Tag Archives: love

Route 53 - Celebrity Sightings, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Solidarity in Death and Love

October 14, 2009 erikhom@aol.com 1 Comment

“Funerals and deaths are the departed’s message to remind us to go out and live life” – The Very Reverend Alan Jones, Grace Cathedral

It has taken me a day to settle down from my harrowing plane flight. I’m not afraid of flying, but flying in the high winds that hit the West Coast of the US yesterday was not a joy ride I enjoyed. I was sitting there in seat 12F mentally writing my own obituary about how I was rushing back to Northern California to my cousin’s funeral, my second of the week, when my plane went down in the SF Bay. It was one of those flights where you hear that whistle. You know the sound. It’s the one you hear in the movies where the plane makes that soaring screech before it hits the ground? We had to abort our landing twice as our captain told us that the wind shears were too violent to provide us with a predictable path to the runway. Inside the plane, we slammed against each other with each turbulent drop and rise of our plane, trying not to act worried. The woman next to me grabbed my arm subconsciously and I didn’t even want to look at her for fear I’d get scared too. I tried to distract myself with the newspaper only to read about the great confidence we should have in the pilots of today, an article about Chesley Sullenberger, a local hero, and someone you would have wanted at the helm of our plane yesterday. We eventually landed and everyone rushed to the men’s room full of relieved tension. Even the pilot came rushing in to a bunch of smiling and relieved faces.

The quote for this post is a thought provoking one from the Reverend who presided over my first funeral I attended this week. I just wish I didn’t need these reminders. Seriously, so far two funerals for dads under the age of 55 this week and I get the message. I get it , I get it, I get it. I sat there yesterday listening to my son’s classmate singing “100 Years” by 5 for Fighting and I just about lost it. I could not see my son singing next to my casket like that. Every other dad in the church must have been thinking the same thing. I looked around and I’m sure people were thinking “That could be me”.

I stopped myself as I asked myself if I would rather have more time to plan my death or go quickly in my sleep. What? I can’t live life like that. I need to live life every day for the sake of happiness. As soon as these recent deaths came in fast sequence last week we didn’t need to say anything. My wife knew how I was feeling, “There is solidarity and certainty in death. We’ll all die some day, but let’s not live to die, but live to live well”. For the first time I can ever remember, my kids came to visit me at work and all of us went out for lunch. Just so nice to see your family together to break up the day. It was just the beginning to the start of a great family weekend.

Saturday was our normal soccer Saturday as a family followed by the President’s Cupgolf tournament. The President’s Cup was chilly but a great way to see the best golfers in the world in an intimate setting on our local home course. Golf is unique because of how close you get to the players and the fact that you are actually walking around on the playing surface with them, not like most sports where they look like gladiators in a pit.

My 7-year old daughter doesn’t play golf yet, but I loved it on Sunday night when we ask everyone in our home what was their favorite part of the weekend and she chose to say that seeing Tiger Woods in person while snuggling close together as a family sipping hot cocoa was the best.

Sunday was followed by early morning Little League baseball again on a cold and blustery day. It was another coffee and cocoa morning. The evening was finished with a trip to see Star Wars in Concert. This was my son’s favorite event as he got to see all the costumes from the movies and watch the movies unfold to an orchestra which played the famous score that won many accolades and the Academy Award. Seeing his eyes light up and his feet tapping to the music reminded me of myself at his age. My wife and I caught each other watching our son and smiled that knowing smile that he was having a good time and enjoying himself. It was a long day, but he was so excited to watch that he didn’t want to take a break to get food because he didn’t want to miss a thing.

Yes, the Reverend Alan Jones was right in saying that funerals and death bring us together to reflect and remember on those who have left us and to help celebrate their lives. He was also very right in saying that love binds us too. Spending a wonderful weekend with my family and exposing my children to some great experiences that they will never forget is something I will always cherish. It is love and great times spent together which bind a family in experience and spirit. It is those pleasant memories which we will use to grow and to help us remember the best of times at the worst of times… like when we are sitting on a plane with some crazy stranger grabbing on to your arm so tight.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Celebrity Sightings, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Someone Saved My Life Tonight

February 15, 2009 erikhom@aol.com 3 Comments

“Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid”
– I’m Still Standing, Elton John

I’ve been waiting for Valentine’s Day for a while. I’m not a big believer in the day as like many people say, you should treat everyday like it’s Valentine’s. Well that’s easier said and done. I like to thing that I show my love everyday anyway. For me Valentine’s is that day where I show more than ever how I feel and make just that little special effort more. Of course this year was more special to me and my wife and I wanted her to know how much I appreciate her. I had been offered tickets to a show in Vegas and debated between Love – Cirque du Soleil and Elton John’s – Red Piano. I’ve always been the Carpe Diem person in the relationship and since we’d seen four different Cirque shows before and I felt like Elton John is one of those iconic performers you have to see, I chose Elton John. I was not to be disappointed. This day would be full of wonderful moments each of which would make the day special in so many ways.

I can recall only flying one other time in my life on Valentine’s. It was a snowy day in the East when I flew from Chicago to Raleigh to be with my then fiancee back in 1994 right before we got married. A 90 minute flight turned into an all day affair because of the weather and by that evening we were traumatized. This Valentine’s flight was much smoother. Ironically I finished the book “This Time’s A Charm” by Don Wilhelm, just as we landed in Vegas. As we approached Vegas I kept pointing to passages in the book and having my wife read it. Real life inspiration and all around good attitude about living life to it’s fullest in the happiest way is all I can say about the book and I will dscuss this in more detail when I host Don on this blog on March 1st.

With less than 20 hours in Vegas we took that attitude and had a blast. We walked all over the Casesar’s Palace resort and got the lay of the land. This would be the first time in a while that I did not gamble a penny. I will write a review of the hotel at a later fay, but the new Agustus wing rooms were great and we got a chance to even run into a professional basketball player that I think was shocked I knew his name ( Leon Powe is one of the more feel good stories in the NBA today). His story should be read even if you don’t follow sports. He is truly a wonderful human being and very humble despite all the accolades that he has received.

We ate dinner at Bradley Ogden (a bit of a splurge) as I had made reservations before the show. Our waiter enjoyed our husband/wife bickering over what to order. The usual thing about changing my order because I didn’t want to order the same thing and then my getting chastised for being boring by ordering a Caesar’s Salad except when I listened and said I’d order the Foie Gras, she told me that was unhealthy. Carpe Diem I told her. We’re living life right? We’re celebrating, right? So there it was, Foie Gras, followed by Risotto accompanied by a nice LaRoache Pinot. Once dinner started we talked about our upcoming trip with the kids and how blessed we are by their presence in our lives. Sure we want them to improve their manners and learn more of life’s social graces, but they are relatively easy children to manage.

As I mentioned, Elton John’s – The Red Piano was great. Full of outrageous costumes, videos, and blow up dolls (cherries, bananas, breasts, roses, legs with garters, etc) along with balloons and confetti falling from the ceiling it was 90 minutes of toe-tapping fun from Benny and the Jets to Believe to Someone Saved my Life Tonight (my wife’s favorite) to I’m Still Standing (my favorite). The words all had special meaning as we held hands and swayed. The fact that the show’s theme was all about love made watching this on Valentine’s all the more special. The video below was the romantic encore. It set the mood just right:

That evening we lived like kids. We went to one of the hottest clubs in Las Vegas. Mind you this was Valentine’s and thus the party was crowded with pretty young people. The night was hosted by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of The Hills. We were probably twice the age of most people and probably one of only a handful of couples in there that have children. Either way the atmosphere was vibrant and young and we felt so alive that we stayed up until 2:30am (way past our curfew), leaving us little time to rest before getting up and checking out this morning. Most importantly my wife and I had fun giggling about the scene, amazed that us oldies were hanging out withe youngsters and a couple guys offered to buy my wife some drinks! She was so flattered and in the most round about of ways, that just made my wife let her hair down and forget about the night as her rejuvenation, but rather as her just remembering what it was like to take what life gives you and to run with it. We never have PDA, but just kissing on the dance flow while listening to house music and having some 20-somethings say that we looked so in love, was kinda nice.

In the end it was a perfect Valentine’s evening. It was a celebration of our love and the beginning of our life where we take the anxiety and worries of cancer and put them behind us as much as we can and move forward with a life we will be happy about living. The smiles on my wife’s face were so wide last night and I held onto them tight because I hadn’t seen her so lively in months. In many ways it was a zest in her look I’ve never seen before. She looked so gorgeous because of it.

So much for this Hallmark Holiday. It was really an enlightening Valentine’s and will be one of the top days in our life.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

My Wife and Her Breast Cancer Equal My Inspiration

January 28, 2009 erikhom@aol.com 2 Comments

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
— Winston Churchill

I have always sought inspiration through true life stories. I guess I never thought it would come from my life partner.

Those who know me and see me every day will tell you that over the past year I’ve lost over 10 pounds, ran over 1200 miles last year and can run a 5k faster than I did 20+ years ago when I was in highschool and college. That might seem trivial to those who exercise daily, but ever since I’ve graduated from high school I never had the drive for long periods of time to work out religiously and take care of myself. Why now? How do you find that kind of drive?

Last year when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer I was down, but my wife told me to make sure I kept running. The week after she was diagnosed I remember watching Forrest Gump with my children and there is this scene where his love, Jenny tells him, “If you ever get in trouble, don’t try and be brave. Just run.” There is a scene where Forrest doesn’t know what to do and starts running. I’ve been doing the same, although I ran with purpose. My wife is my inspiration.

We all get inspired by bigger than life stories. The pilot who saved 155 people by landing his plane in the Hudson, the new President who is breaking many barriers, the man who risked his life to save an unconscious mom and her two toddlers from a burning home, etc. Sometimes we see movies like the first one I ever saw called “Brian’s Song” that had cancer involved and get inspired for the moment or for a period of time.

But when we live with someone who inspires you on a daily basis it changes you. My wife has to take pills every day, get shots once a month and every day think that there still might be a cancer in her body that might come back to haunt her. Yet every day, she kisses me, makes breakfast, smiles and goes about her work. All those pills, shots and everyday worries are not something she shares with me unless I ask. I don’t ask because I want her to feel like life is as normal as can be as that is the way she wants to live it every once in a while. She wants to put away that she is a Cancer Survivor. She doesn’t want to be treated like she’s handicapped. How can you not be inspired when the person who shares a bed with you every night does so with smile on her face. She’s had two surgeries and is staring a third in the face, yet she is wanting to bring it on. She’s had 14 hours of anaesthesia in less than 6 months. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have those hours missing from my memory.

The other night she caught me staring at her sleeping before I went to bed. I wanted to soak in her peacefulness, her beauty and my appreciation for her to still be with me and our children. She asked me if anything was wrong and I just smiled and she gave me that knowing kiss that all wives will give when they know you appreciate them. It’s the same kiss you get when you stand before all your friends and family the day you get married and state your love for each other.

Today I am off away on business again. Away from my family. It hurts to be away knowing my wife is still not 100% yet, but she’d not want it any other way. Tonight I had a chance to visit the Santa Monica Boardwalk (see photo). I told my business partner (no offense) that I wished it was my wife with me instead. She deserved this sunset on this beautiful evening more than I did.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Getting the Best out of Yourself

January 22, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

Try not to become a man of success but a man of value.
Albert Einstein

The quote above to me is so poignant. I truly believe though that it must become second nature to be a man or woman of value and you need to instill that from within.

I still remember the day that I almost lost my dad back in July of 1996. He suffered a heart attack and his heart stopped beating, but the doorman at the Fairmont Hotel broke into his car and started his heart beating. My father remained in a coma for two weeks (yes during the Atlanta Olympic Games) before coming out of it. My father suffered some brain damage (loss of oxygen to the brain) which caused him the loss of short term memory and often caused him to lose orientation of what year it was. It was almost like Alzheimers except some new memories were created and he only forgot the things that didn’t matter to him.

My mother refused to put him in a home and acted as his primary caregiver for the next 10 years. Although he was never the same person again, I am so happy that his near death kick-started me into having a family and grandchildren that he got to meet and know. He continued to to teach me new lessons even then.

One of those was that my dad lost his ability filter his thoughts. He did not hold back his feelings about things, people or situations. Just imagine if you just started telling everyone what you thought of them. Well, my dad was pure. He smiled at people he didn’t recognize and even at people I thought he didn’t care for. Later I would ask who they were and he said, “I thought you knew”. When my mom would drag him to flower shows I’d ask him how it was. He’d say it was really boring but my mom seemed to enjoy it. He never had a bad thing to say. He was just naturally a positive and gentle person. His illness was a truth serum that some couldn’t handle. We saw others with the same problem who became vicious towards family and friends. An old co-worker of his pulled me aside at his Life Celebration and said, “I knew your dad didn’t recognize me, but that twinkle in his eye and his smile were still the same. He made even strangers feel special.”

It really taught me to seek the kindness in others and to see things first with an eye towards the positive. We are often taught to be protective and cautious and I realize that can really hide the opportunities that you might be offered. There are never enough favors that you can give or thank yous that you can say. My dad was definitely a man of value. A man who valued the relationships and loves in his life so much that it was instinctive.

After a while it should just come naturally. I often hear about how people say how hard it must have been to take care of my wife during those days after surgery and those long weeks of waiting. I think my love for my wife made me her natural caregiver. I knew that it was just the thing to do. Put my fears and hopes aside to be all that I could for my wife. I think having been a caregiver for my dad those years, watching my mother care for her husband (yes they argued, but they loved each other), and then caring for my mother during her cancer gave me a little headstart in caregiving, but not much. The most inspiration though came from the relationship, the strong relationship, I have with my wife. They say your true colors come out when you have times of crisis. I think I showed myself my own true colors and I’m proud of what I saw.

I mention this because in the book I read, My Life with Laura, my friend Chad showed his true colors as well. Although he had only known his wife a few short years, his dedication showed the love of a lifetime. I have read stories about those who don’t get support from their husbands or family members during these times and I think that might just show a crack in the armour that had been there already. My wife and I have a few cracks especially when it comes to communication. And it definitely showed a bit when we had some intense moments, but our love was and is strong.

I know I’ve written about this before in bits and pieces, but I have to repeat these mantras occasionally. I listened to our new President’s speech about strength and fortitude and the need to test ourselves in the worst of times. Now is when I really am testing myself. I already see these next several months are going to be tough on me for different reasons than health.

In the end I just need to make sure that I find myself as a person of value and to instill that upon my life on a daily basis.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Mind Over Matter

January 15, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

As most runners know, there are times when you hit the proverbial “wall”. I’ve found that it doesn’t matter whether you are running one fast mile or 5 long ones, the wall is always there. Your body aches and screams for you to stop but it is your mind that powers you on.

In a way I have hit that wall in caring for my wife. That tough edge has been hard to keep up lately. I’m not giving up on her though. In fact her strength is coming back and I’ve been able to let my guard down a bit and that has allowed me to move on a little bit. i think she is showing me that strength again to let me know that I can go on too. She has now started going on and doing her own research online. It has relieved me from having to read some of the more tragic or difficult stories online. I used to go on Breastcancer.org to find answers but lately she has found a few good friends with the same physicians and they have encouraged her, helped her to mentally get stronger to face her fears, and she is spending more time talking to other women online.

She still is fragile though. I just got back from being away four days in Las Vegas at a convention. It was very difficult to be away from her and to leave her with no back-up. Our nightly calls were more about wondering if she was okay. It was also about telling my 9-year old son to watch out and take care of his mom. I’m hoping that I don’t scare him, but I see great maturity in him. I always have see it since he was little baby. He just had this “old sage soul” look about him. At the same time he still has the other issues that little boys have, not cleaning up, not lifting the toilet seat, and not slowing down around the house. All in all he’s a good kid though and I trust him immensely. My favorite moment (you’ll see the relevance below) is when he was 7 and as an advanced reader had picked up an encyclopedia to look up the word embryo, a word he had heard on Animal Planet. The next thing you know he is telling me that apes and humans are very simliar and that men have sperm and women have eggs, but they don’t lay them like chickens. My daughter (5 at the time) stood behind her brother with her arms crossed and looking at me as if to say, “Hey, what’s the big idea?” well let’s just say I don’t think I’ll ever have to have the bird and the bees talk with my chilldren ever. Hopefully that is a fatherly chore that I won’t miss.

It has been 5 weeks now since my wife’s latest surgery and I have had a hard time honestly looking at her scars and even at her chest. Tonight she wanted to start documenting and had me take a few photos of her reconstruction. I was a little nervous. It was the first chance for me to take a look. It is hard for me to look at my beautiful wife with her scars and say that they look great only because I know she is able to sense any hesitation or trepidation in my voice. It is still early and even she knows they aren’t quite ready to be looked at. She is going to need to get some revisions as the original scars haven’t healed straight. She will have a follow up appointment on March 23. It should be an hour procedure.

The hard part was that today the doctor called to make the appointment and our 9 year old son listened in on the other line when my wife was talking. He later told my wife that he had listened. He is really worried that his mother is going to have a third surgery and asked if she was going to be okay. Our daughter caught on and told us that she thought we got rid of “mommy’s lump”. We told them that just like we need to go to the doctor every year that mommy needs to go every month and that she was lucky that her doctors could spend so much time with her. Listening to her talk to the children I realized she is getting stronger. She doesn’t want them to worry. She is even telling me she will just need local anaesthesia for the final surgery. I would prefer general if it were me but she is game. She told me she knows she can “handle it” . I told her that I didn’t think it would be a good idea but she’s the strong one when it comes to blood and guts and told me I was getting soft and where was the guy who stripped her drains 4 months ago? We had a good chuckle.

All this means to me is that my wife is almost fully back and I couldn’t be happier. She’s taught me a lot about myself and our relationship over the past several months. It has been painful and although there are times we wanted to give up, but somehow we’ve built the strength from each other and kept moving and pushed through that wall. The aches and pains are still there but the goal line or finish line is still out there on the horizon.

Life goes on and we’re traveling down the road together. We’re helping each other out and making sure the other doesn’t give up and that we don’t give up on each other.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Living in Limbo – The Highway of Life

November 12, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

Is it making you laugh? Is it making you cry? – Sugarland

Tomorrow is our follow up appointment with my wife’s oncologist. I hope we can come to a decision on what we are doing going forward. We really are in limbo here. I feel as if we are being held captive by surgery dates, concerns about travel, medications, etc. Holiday travel and just getting on with life and living it the way we’ve discussed is what we are looking forward to. I’m already looking forward to taking her to see Elton John in Vegas for Valentine’s Day 2009. Its one of those once in a lifetime shows that I think we need to see. We just missed seeing James Brown last year and had tickets to see a show but he died.

As I mentioned in my last entry, this journey has really helped me to assess my love for my wife. Each night when I run, I remind myself of all of our great memories and all the things I still want to do with her. They say when you run, you can get a runner’s high. Tonight was one of those nights. I matched my highschool cross country times from over 20 years ago on our cross country course. I wasn’t even trying and I was a little shocked when I checked my watch. It was a full minute faster than I’d been runing this month. All I remember doing was listening some music by Sugarland and the next thing you know my run was over. I barely even remember running up the steep hill near the end of my run. I was listening so intently to the lyrics of one of their songs, I just lost track of my time.

Well eat your heart Dara Torres! I too can do in my 40s what those half our age can do. Now I just wish we could find the time to accomplish more in life.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Hopes, Dreams, Fears – Life Is A Highway

November 7, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“Who’s Coming with Me?” – Jerry Maguire

My late night runs are not just about health and fitness. Sometimes the runs are just a place for me to contemplate life and where it is taking me. Usually it is about my dreams, hopes and fears. My wife usually laughs at me because I come home sweating and also with a list of things that I think we should do or I’d like to do.

Fears – Right now I’m still fearing for my wife’s mortality. I hope that she can get the next part of her surgery done. She’s uncomfortable but not complaining. The problem is we are stuck now as the doctors have her in limbo. They say that getting time in the OR to complete surgery is going to take time. We don’t have time as we’ve made lots of plans already We’re all frustrated. Tonight, just as I was about to go for a run I felt a twinge in my back. There is a small lump on my hip (a hip pointer? cancer?) Ackk, how can I even think of that? I remember in college when my roommate died of cancer. Every little bump on my body struck fear in me. I have to check this out. I fear leaving my children and wife alone.

Hopes and Dreams? They all sit with my kids. This week we elected our first black President. To me, the President that our country was going to select was going to be a new direction no matter what. As I went to the airport the day after the election, all I saw were smiling and hopeful faces. People had hopes. Very high hopes. I’m sure those smiles might not have been as wide in some parts of the country, but I’m sure we are waiting for the next 8 weeks to move on and see what will happen. My children are growing up in a great country and I want to give them every chance to laugh think and cry that I have.

Again, as I ran tonight I dreamed. Dreamed of traveling to far away places with my kids, dreamed of giving my daughter’s hand away in marriage, dreamed of attending a great sporting event with my son, and dreamed of seeing my wife happy and healthy.

Tomorrow is my highschool 25 year reunion. My good friend said, well here we go down the second half of our life. I told I don’t put my life in two halves. I’m in my middle third. The first third is growing, The second third is playing and the last third is reflecting and giving. He laughed and said I was in denial. I told him I was just living my life as I saw it. I’m going to live my life as happily as I can. Anyone coming with me?

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Peace & Quiet – Creating a Calm Before the Storm (A Loving Fight with Cancer)

August 28, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“In peace, we shall find solitude and in solitude we shall find clarity. In clarity we will gather the strength we need to succeed.”

Yesterday was abstinence day. No talking about “it”. We spent our first full day of not worrying about “it” or planning for “it” or thinking about “it”. We needed a break and my wife was surprised at how easy it was to really immerse herself in life. Kids, school, work, etc. all just seemed to be more rich.

This morning I showed her the article on breastcancer.org which talk about how a positive disposition led to 25% less risk of cancer. Kind of a silly article. I’m sure more depressed people smoke and drink or have bad eating habits that are not good for you, but I don’t think it means that having a good disposition can heal you. We do agree that when struck by such bad news that a negative attitude is not a fighting attitude. There is no gain to our children in being depressed when hit with adversity. Showing our children how we move through difficult times with a level head is one of the best lessons we can teach our children.

We still are monitoring our children daily for signs of stress and are keeping the conversations away from them. We have decided that i will get them used to me or other people taking them to school so that they aren’t worried the day mommy goes into surgery and really won’t know until after it is over. As for our social activity, we have been running ragged getting vacations and other things done as we feel like we might be limited in that way for the next several months. But we aren’t social butterflies anyway so we have learned to start saying no to people and trying to keep our schedule pretty clear until the day of the surgery (actually the day before the surgery). In fact people have been asking me how I can remain so calm. I really can’t say that I am. I’m still feeling tired during the day. There is a layer deep inside me filled with adrenalin worrying about my wife. I’m finding myself being tired everyday when I get home.

I know this is a tangent, but we’ve been getting lots of inquiries about our surgery that my wife will be undergoing. It appears that my wife’s skin-sparing mastectomy surgery is a little different. I will be writing more about it tomorrow.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Mood Swings, MRI Results – Fighting Breast Cancer

August 26, 2008 erikhom@aol.com 1 Comment

“It’s time to focus not only on the opportunity we have, but how we can improve. It’s also a time to communicate openly”.

Every day brings new results, new problems, new hope, etc. Every day we run into someone else we tell about the cancer and they offer their help. It is also a time to spot the problems in your relationship. The pychological impact of living with cancer is now starting to really creep into our relationship.

I hate myself sometimes. How can I argue with my wife who is struggling with cancer and is about to face a key life event? I want so much for her to be happy, but obviously this cancer is creating tension that strains the fabric of your relationship. We have always noted our issues in our marriage, but in times of crisis, these small things get magnified.

Our basic problem is the same as everyone else. You’ve seen the commercials where the husband and wife go shopping and asks for his choice on color for shoes, and other items and whatever he picks, she goes with the other? Well that is our life in a nutshell. To be honest I am okay with this on most matters of trivial decision-making. In fact, I’m partly to blame as I’ve always been attracted to neurotic people. My dad used to say “It hasn’t been easy” when asked about his marriage. I’ve never wanted the storybook marriage,. I want excitement, challenges, change, etc. My wife has given me all of that and I find many of her quirks very endearing, but these days my frustration is growing as I try to be helpful. My wife is asking me which doctor she should go to and choosing the other one, asking me which reconstruction size she should try and going with the other one and on and on and on……I finally lashed out last night and told her that if she wanted to go this alone, then go right ahead. I told her I was the one feeling like he was on an island and if she had a choice, then don’t ask me anymore. I wasn’t sure if she was disagreeing with my choices or really choosing what she wanted. I didn’t want her to choose the wrong one because it had become a habit to go with the other choice. In the end, I didn’t need to be disagreed with, but rather just have her choose what she wanted. I told her that this is no longer a game and that I can’t take the rejection along with the stress. I’m here to provide support but not at the expense of being bashed against the rocks.

Was I being selfish? Insensitive? Fortunately my wife came around and apologized. I told her this has to stop completely. Not just now, but after 20 years of this, I was flat broken down. We can’t be like this and revert back to our bad habits when we are faced with this life crisis. We made up, but it made us both think.

I reminded her that we have to start dreaming again like we said we would do at the beginning. Separate dreams, big dreams, long-term dreams would help us. We also needed to work on eliminating some of our faults, our unnecessary habits, and other things which we waste our time and effort on each day. It was just the contrarian in my wife. She never rejects my thoughts maliciously. She just always likes to see the other side of the coin. If my glass is half full, hers is half empty and vice versa. Some say that we are perfect complements to each other. Well sometimes being black and white isn’t always the best. Being gray together helps bring the harmony.

Well we were at least dragged out of our despair with a great email this morning from her canecer surgeon. She wrote that my wife’s MRI came back clear on her nodes and both breasts other than the cancer we’ve identified. This increases the chances even more that my wife will not require any sort of chemo, radiation or other unlikely road bumps that will alter her recovery. The last hurdle will be the final pathology of the cancer and the nodes which occurs post-surgery. We’re almost there at the top of the mountain it seems and yet we haven’t even started to get our harnesses on.

We are now on a high again on that emotional roller coaster. The energy is flowing for both of us. we can now get back to work and focus on being productive in life, work, and our marriage for the next two weeks.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

15 days and Counting – Preparing for our Fight against Breast Cancer

August 25, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“You know you are in Love when the other person’s individual happiness is more important than the desires you have for the two of you together.”

It is still over 2 weeks to go and we are still waiting for MRI results. That’s a good thing I think. We’ve gotten into a good routine and my wife has refocused her mental energy on work and the kids. I am personally struggling with how to keep things together for the 2-3 weeks where I will have to carry 100% of the physical action while also maintaining a full load of work. I don’t want my kids to feel like we are tossing them around to other people to drive them everywhere. My 8-year old son is already getting a little clingy with his mother. The kids have been excellent though understanding that mommy is going to need them to help out. I’ve avoided telling them the exact day of the surgery as I don’t want to stress them out the morning that i take them to school. We’ve basically explained this as another business trip for mom except that she is going to be exhausted for a couple weeks when she gets back. These next two weeks they are practicing “staying out of mom’s hair” while mom gets work done on her projects. They are growing up through this process fairly quickly, but after it is all over we are going to have to help them become silly kids again.

Yes, mental distractions are what we are continuing to strive for as we try to remain busy. My wife told me a few things she is going to do in the next couple days that I would normally have said “No” to, but right now I just want her to keep happy. The other day I finally awoke to a birthday and didn’t realize it was that day until I got a call that afternoon. Suddenly if dawned on me that I was definitely distracted by my concern for my wife that normal everyday events which are important to me were no longer a priority.

My wife commented to me last night as we watched the closing ceremonies that having the Olympics on the last two weeks really helped to challenge her inner spirit. It wasn’t just the stories of Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt, but the stories of age over youth (Jeannie Longo and Sara Torres), overcoming tragedy (Hugh mcCutcheon), unbearable pain (Zuzana Thomas), handicap (Natalie du Toit), and a year long struggle and grieving for the loss of a loved one (Matthias Steiner) that have inspired her that the mind can heal and drive you to greater things if you want them.

I told her she can have whatever she wants. We just have to start thinking about what those things are.