Tag Archives: death

Losing a San Francisco Icon

“I arrived in San Francisco  with no job, a pregnant wife and less than $1,000 to my name.” – Walter Shorenstein, billionaire, San Franciscan and owner of the largest private real estate company in the US.

Clinton and Shorenstein

RIP Walter Shorenstein.  Herb Caen, famed Pulitzer winning columnist, used to be so mad at Walter Shorenstein for ruining the San Francisco skyline and views with the large buildings that he owned (the Bank of America building was his most famous) and built.  Now two of San Francisco’s largest fans can continue their conversation in heaven.  Herb will tell him not to build any buildings in the afterlife.  He’ll also tell him that it is cool, but not as nice as San Francisco.

I only met Mr. Shorenstein personally once.  He was a very quiet billionaire, but if you knew San Francisco and politics, you knew the name.   In fact it was hard to escape in San Francisco and New York where his name could be found on buildings (his daughter just won a Tony for the revival of August Wilson’s Fences).  San Francisco is a small town in many ways so it is hard not to run into people some time in our lives.

Like Herb Caen, I hated Walter Shorenstein too!  16 years ago I got married and came home to San Francisco from my “Big Italian New Jersey Wedding” on our way to Hawaii.  We were dropping off our bags and picking up our honeymoon bags and flying out the next morning.  The problem was that our car (with house keys in the glove compartment) had been towed from in front of my parent’s house.  This crazy rich guy had our whole street towed for his wife’s funeral which took place at San Francisco’s Temple Emanuel.  By the way, I live on a street where homes were built before people had cars so we all parked on the street back then on the street.  Needless to say I never carried my wife into our first home.   I spent my second night of marriage at the tow yard.  Ironically the World Cup was going on that year as well as I remember sitting in the tow office watching soccer.

Four years later I was still holding a grudge about that night and was out for a run when I got jumped by several secret service people outside of Mr. Shorenstein’s house in the Sea Cliff neighborhood where I lived.  Seems that I was of poor timing as President Clinton had been spending the night and was about to go for a run.  Mr. Shorenstein had said that he’d seen me in the neighborhood and apologized.  I thanked him and he introduced me to the President.  I wonder if they both remembered my sweaty and stunned handshake.  Not often that you get to shake hands with a current President and a billionaire in the same minute.  I never got to tell Mr. Shorenstein about my towed car story, but it was now pointless.  This man was a philanthropist.  He saved our baseball team from moving, he donated his money freely, and he did it as many would call “The San Francisco Way” (with style).

Now almost 16 years later to the day of his wife’s passing, the quiet billionaire and supporter of Presidents has passed and I’m bracing myself.  Monday will be his funeral and now that I’m back living across the street from the Temple, I’m expecting multiple Presidents in attendance.  My guess is that I will have an unobstructed view of President’s Clinton and Carter as well as VPs Walter Mondale and Al Gore.  Others I expect in attendance are Senator Diane Feinstein (a former neighbor), Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (also a former neighbor) , and Mayor Gavin Newsom.   So I guess I will be there as well.

Well that is my story about Walter Shorenstein.  Attached is the article from the San Francisco newspaper to get a broader view of his career: SFGate – Click Here for article

4 years later – Thanks Dad

Erik, let’s be careful out there, and take care of your body”My dad as he used to coin the phrase from the show Hill St. Blues and then add his usual sign-off.

Not really much to say right now.  I have about 5 posts all ready to be sent out for this blog but I have been a bit distracted.  It is always a tough time of year for me.  This week marks 4 years since my dad passed away and every night when I run or before I go to bed my mind has been racing with memories of good times and thinking, “What would my dad do?”  it has kind of been a distraction and as the week comes to an end, I think my week of reflection has helped me with clarity.

In many ways my solitude runs at night have been my conversations, my wake up calls, my time alone with my dad.  In a way, I like to think the hooligans (a word my dad would have used) who tried to hit me with eggs as I ran the other night were just my dad having some fun with me.  I think my dad would have laughed if I came home covered in eggs.

As kids we look at our moms and dads and never really think of them as children of other people and the bond that they have with their parents.   I’m sure my kids don’t realize how much I miss him, but the photos of us playing golf and laughing are all around the house and I think there are enough memories for my children to let them know how important a relationship is between a child and their father and how lucky they are to have one.

As I head into the weekend to become a full-time dad for 48 hours ….my memories of dad might fade..but they will always make me smile……Thanks Dad for still being here in spirit.

Solidarity in Death and Love

“Funerals and deaths are the departed’s message to remind us to go out and live life” – The Very Reverend Alan Jones, Grace Cathedral
 

It has taken me a day to settle down from my harrowing plane flight.  I’m not afraid of flying, but flying in the high winds that hit the West Coast of the US yesterday was not a joy ride I enjoyed.  I was sitting there in seat 12F mentally writing my own obituary about how I was rushing back to Northern California to my cousin’s funeral, my second of the week, when my plane went down in the SF Bay.  It was one of those flights where you hear that whistle.  You know the sound.  It’s the one you hear in the movies where the plane makes that soaring screech before it hits the ground?  We had to abort our landing twice as our captain told us that the wind shears were too violent to provide us with a predictable path to the runway.  Inside the plane, we slammed against each other with each turbulent drop and rise of our plane, trying not to act worried.  The woman next to me grabbed my arm subconsciously and I didn’t even want to look at her  for fear I’d get scared too.  I tried to distract myself with the newspaper only to read about the great confidence we should have in the pilots of today, an article about Chesley Sullenberger, a local hero, and someone you would have wanted at the helm of our plane yesterday.  We eventually landed and everyone rushed to the men’s room full of relieved tension.  Even the pilot came rushing in to a bunch of smiling and relieved faces.

The quote for this post is a  thought provoking one from the Reverend who presided over my first funeral I attended this week.  I just wish I didn’t need these reminders.  Seriously, so far two funerals for dads under the age of 55 this week and I get the message. I get it , I get it, I get it.  I sat there yesterday listening to my son’s classmate singing “100 Years” by 5 for Fighting and I just about lost it.  I could not see my son singing next to my casket like that.  Every other dad in the church must have been thinking the same thing.  I looked around and I’m sure people were thinking “That could be me”. 

Kids with C-3PO
Kids with C-3PO

I stopped myself as I asked myself if I would rather have more time to plan my death or go quickly in my sleep.  What?  I can’t live life like that.  I need to live life every day for the sake of happiness.  As soon as these recent deaths came in fast sequence last week we didn’t need to say anything.  My wife knew how I was feeling, “There is solidarity and certainty in death.  We’ll all die some day, but let’s not live to die, but live to live well”.    For the first time I can ever remember, my kids came to visit me at work and all of us went out for lunch.  Just so nice to see your family together to break up the day.  It was just the beginning to the start of a great family weekend.

Saturday was our normal soccer Saturday as a family followed by the President’s Cupgolf tournament.  The President’s Cup was chilly but a great way to see the best golfers in the world in an intimate setting on our local home course.  Golf is unique because of how close you get to the players and the fact that you are actually walking around on the playing surface with them, not like most sports where they look like gladiators in a pit.

Tiger Woods
Tiger Woods

My 7-year old daughter doesn’t play golf yet, but I loved it on Sunday night when we ask everyone in our home what was their favorite part of the weekend and she chose to say that seeing Tiger Woods in person while snuggling close together as a family sipping hot cocoa was the best.

Sunday was followed by early morning Little League baseball again on a cold and blustery day.   It was another coffee and cocoa morning. The evening was finished with a trip to see Star Wars in Concert.  This was my son’s favorite event as he got to see all the costumes from the movies and watch the movies unfold to an orchestra which played the famous score that won many accolades and the Academy Award.  Seeing his eyes light up and his feet tapping to the music reminded me of myself at his age.  My wife and I caught each other watching our son and smiled that knowing smile that he was having a good time and enjoying himself.  It was a long day, but he was so excited to watch that he didn’t want to take a break to get food because he didn’t want to miss a thing.

Yes, the Reverend Alan Jones was right in saying that funerals and death bring us together to reflect and remember on those who have left us and to help celebrate their lives.  He was also very right in saying that love binds us too.  Spending a wonderful weekend with my family and exposing my children to some great experiences that they will never forget is something I will always cherish.  It is love and great times spent together which bind a family in experience and spirit.  It is those pleasant memories which we will use to grow and to help us remember the best of times at the worst of times… like when we are sitting on a plane with some crazy stranger grabbing on to your arm so tight.