Tag Archives: family

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

A Warm San Francisco Holiday To All

December 22, 2009 erikhom@aol.com 3 Comments

Happy Holidays Everyone,

Before everyone takes off on their vacations from their virtual world, I just thought I’d wish you all a very Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwaanza, etc. Please be safe if you are traveling this season!

As I pushed through the chilling temperatures and blustery winds of San Francisco during my run last night I kept reminding myself of those cold December nights I’ve spent in New York City, Chicago, and Pittsburgh. Nothing will ever compare to those cold bitter nights when I wore long underwear under my wool suits and wondered why I left my “City by the Bay”. I do remember telling myself that I would remember those days so I would appreciate San Francisco that much more when I would eventually return. Although cold, my run was dry and I ran down the festively lit shopping areas of Sacramento St, Fillmore St., California, and Clement St. distracting myself with the observations of the decorations people had in their windows.

While the glittery lights were dazzling and the quietness of the air still reminded me of how our economy is not quite back up to speed, the most warming images of my run were of the people.

First, there was the elderly couple walking together with their arms around each other as they left their party at Spruce Restaurant (http://www.sprucesf.com). They stopped and kissed saying “I love you” and touching their foreheads together in the middle of the sidewalk as I dodged them. It was a split second of our paths crossing but it was a beautiful image.

Second, there were the two inebriated young ladies in their short cocktail dresses stumbling out of the Elite Cafe (http://www.theelitecafe.com/) before crashing to the ground. I say crashing because they fell backwards into me as I ran behind them. Fortunately I caught one before she hit her head on one of the tables outside. They were inebriated because as the cabbie and I helped them to their feet, neither of them could pronounce their destination. I laughed when she said they were going to New York. A great guy, the cabbie, a little Frenchman in his beret and scruffy clothes had me and one of the waiters watch him as he helped one girl open her purse to find her address. She kissed his scruffy face as he pushed her back into the cab. “Welcome to Christmas on the Barbary Coast”, he said as he tipped his cap to us while mentioning one of the many long-gone nicknames of San Francisco. I think I ran a whole another mile before the whole incident washed behind me, turning towards home. The cab driver reminded me of the kindness of people at this time of year.

As I passed by San Francisco’s only 24 hour Starbucks in Laurel Village (yes I love running by it at night just so that I can get a whiff of the caffeine aroma) a bunch of Fire Engine’s raced by me. Looking for an alternate route, I followed their sirens. A Portable Potty had been set ablaze nearby. This has been the work of arsons as dozens have been set on fire over the last year.

Not wanting to end my run on a negative note, I continued on and started to notice a pattern that is so familiar this time of year. I had been seeing it over the a past week as cars and taxis pull up in front of homes and the dwellers come out to greet and hug a family member returning home. The tears of joy and happiness really signify what this season is about and while the images weren’t exactly Norman Rockwell-esque, they told the story. The story of family and friends coming together. I even saw a soldier returning home a couple weeks ago in full gear as his mother screamed when she opened the door (adorned with a yellow ribbon).

All of these images (including the fiery portable toilet) told the story of 2009. Maybe they weren’t my story, but they were nice ones.

2009 will be just that for me. “A Nice One”. I’ll definitely take that after 2008. I needn’t look much further than 2008 to remember what was happening last year as my wife was recovering from her second surgery in 3 months and we scheduled ourselves for a very low key Christmas with only enough fanfare to keep our kid’s spirits high. Just 365 days ago I sat by her bedside making sure she’d be okay just to get up and deal with Christmas. While 2009 was no picnic, and we did deal with two more minor surgeries, life today compared to last year couldn’t be much better healthwise.

The holiday is often on its long tail as we’ve already had two family gatherings, a work party and a large bash at a friend’s home yet we are still 3 days shy of Christmas. We still have two more family gatherings to go to. Such is the life of the fragmented world and family. As I sit here in my den, I know of local friends spending the holiday in Hawaii, Argentina, Spain, France, England, Italy & Brazil just to name those places not on this continent. They all sound enticing…. the Champs Elysees on Christmas? How magical does that sound!?

Well San Francisco is where we remain and where we will keep our hearts this Christmas! No snow and no sand! The image above is from Sara Showalter, (www.sarashowalter.com) or @gidget on Twitter. A great local artist, the image was used for our holiday card this year. If you are looking for an artist or photographer, I highly recommend her. And the best thing about her? She is a diehard San Francisco Giants fan!

Route 53 - Celebrity Sightings, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Solidarity in Death and Love

October 14, 2009 erikhom@aol.com 1 Comment

“Funerals and deaths are the departed’s message to remind us to go out and live life” – The Very Reverend Alan Jones, Grace Cathedral

It has taken me a day to settle down from my harrowing plane flight. I’m not afraid of flying, but flying in the high winds that hit the West Coast of the US yesterday was not a joy ride I enjoyed. I was sitting there in seat 12F mentally writing my own obituary about how I was rushing back to Northern California to my cousin’s funeral, my second of the week, when my plane went down in the SF Bay. It was one of those flights where you hear that whistle. You know the sound. It’s the one you hear in the movies where the plane makes that soaring screech before it hits the ground? We had to abort our landing twice as our captain told us that the wind shears were too violent to provide us with a predictable path to the runway. Inside the plane, we slammed against each other with each turbulent drop and rise of our plane, trying not to act worried. The woman next to me grabbed my arm subconsciously and I didn’t even want to look at her for fear I’d get scared too. I tried to distract myself with the newspaper only to read about the great confidence we should have in the pilots of today, an article about Chesley Sullenberger, a local hero, and someone you would have wanted at the helm of our plane yesterday. We eventually landed and everyone rushed to the men’s room full of relieved tension. Even the pilot came rushing in to a bunch of smiling and relieved faces.

The quote for this post is a thought provoking one from the Reverend who presided over my first funeral I attended this week. I just wish I didn’t need these reminders. Seriously, so far two funerals for dads under the age of 55 this week and I get the message. I get it , I get it, I get it. I sat there yesterday listening to my son’s classmate singing “100 Years” by 5 for Fighting and I just about lost it. I could not see my son singing next to my casket like that. Every other dad in the church must have been thinking the same thing. I looked around and I’m sure people were thinking “That could be me”.

I stopped myself as I asked myself if I would rather have more time to plan my death or go quickly in my sleep. What? I can’t live life like that. I need to live life every day for the sake of happiness. As soon as these recent deaths came in fast sequence last week we didn’t need to say anything. My wife knew how I was feeling, “There is solidarity and certainty in death. We’ll all die some day, but let’s not live to die, but live to live well”. For the first time I can ever remember, my kids came to visit me at work and all of us went out for lunch. Just so nice to see your family together to break up the day. It was just the beginning to the start of a great family weekend.

Saturday was our normal soccer Saturday as a family followed by the President’s Cupgolf tournament. The President’s Cup was chilly but a great way to see the best golfers in the world in an intimate setting on our local home course. Golf is unique because of how close you get to the players and the fact that you are actually walking around on the playing surface with them, not like most sports where they look like gladiators in a pit.

My 7-year old daughter doesn’t play golf yet, but I loved it on Sunday night when we ask everyone in our home what was their favorite part of the weekend and she chose to say that seeing Tiger Woods in person while snuggling close together as a family sipping hot cocoa was the best.

Sunday was followed by early morning Little League baseball again on a cold and blustery day. It was another coffee and cocoa morning. The evening was finished with a trip to see Star Wars in Concert. This was my son’s favorite event as he got to see all the costumes from the movies and watch the movies unfold to an orchestra which played the famous score that won many accolades and the Academy Award. Seeing his eyes light up and his feet tapping to the music reminded me of myself at his age. My wife and I caught each other watching our son and smiled that knowing smile that he was having a good time and enjoying himself. It was a long day, but he was so excited to watch that he didn’t want to take a break to get food because he didn’t want to miss a thing.

Yes, the Reverend Alan Jones was right in saying that funerals and death bring us together to reflect and remember on those who have left us and to help celebrate their lives. He was also very right in saying that love binds us too. Spending a wonderful weekend with my family and exposing my children to some great experiences that they will never forget is something I will always cherish. It is love and great times spent together which bind a family in experience and spirit. It is those pleasant memories which we will use to grow and to help us remember the best of times at the worst of times… like when we are sitting on a plane with some crazy stranger grabbing on to your arm so tight.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Your Bucket List

June 29, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

A Victory Lap
The legacy of the dead will survive in the memory of the living

– The Mission (movie)

Tonight I was going through my personal email before heading home and saw a note about the parent in our class who has been fighting cancer for the last few years. He had been told that he has a few weeks left. I have given this parent and his wife Donald Wilhelm’s book, This Time’s A Charm, and although this parent does not need to read about another person’s cancer I felt that there are many similarities. What made me smile about this particular email was a great little note which made me cry and smile at the same time. It just reminded me about the human spirit and the strength that exhibited when it is faced with death. There is a calmness as well as an inspirational outlook when you investigate.

My father had always told me to try and put myself in the other person’s shoes to understand what they are going through. This was not a difficult one. With two young children of the same age as my own two children, I can just imagine the sadness going through his mind of not being able to see them grow up, not being able to take care f them and his wife, and not wanting to leave too much of a mess behind me. I had first thought that I didn’t want to bother them. I wanted to let them have their last days together and not try and take their kids away to take them off their hands for a couple hours. They didn’t need their kids away from their dad’s last days. They’ve seen him suffering for several years, but now he need to see his sons and give them some last memories of how to live strong. A last lesson that a father can pass to his sons in the hope that it will help them to live without a dad. They later mentioned that he wants his kids with them til the very end. I believe they think this time is very special and they have said more than on one occasion that each minute is a gift and that they are cherishing each one.

What got me over to their house tonight was the email though. In it was a paragraph and some photos ( I’ve received permission to share them):

So……..on XXX’s “bucket List” was a final entry: to enter the Antique Motorcycle Show. On Saturday, (after the hospital visit – and after they had received such devastating news) the family & some neighbors got together and loaded his 1926 Indian onto a trailor and towed it to the show. He was a passenger – and was able to get up & walk around a bit at the show. His Motorcycle won! He did a victory lap at the show, and when he came home – he said he will die a happy man.

As I mentioned, I cried and smiled as I read the email just before leaving work. I just had to stop by and visit. I was pleased to see another father there visiting the family. While smiles were there and he proudly held on to the award for his motorcycle, I could see his sadness and that he was sick as he had to leave a couple times during our conversation. His wife smiled and joked and I tried to stay within the moment which is hard to do when there is a 500 pound gorilla in the room. Watching their children play around the room saddened me. They seemed to ignore the conversation and

I did not want to stay too long out of respect for taking up too much of the limited quiet time they have together. I also was feeling a bit guilty. I thought of my own children at home and couldn’t help but feel very fortunate.

Upon my return home I gave my children both a big hug. My son knew what was going on and asked me how his classmate’s father was doing. I told him the truth and how we need to be wary of this situation and do what we can when the time comes to help them. Although our sons are not close, I believe my son unfortunately understands the gravity of the situation given what are family has gone through this past year. As I put him to bed his questions out of concern for his classmate showed incredible compassion. Then I saw his own concern and fear as he asked me how I was doing and if we are okay in our family. He was putting himself in his classmate’s shoes. Even when I told him “We’re okay”, he did ask for reassurance. I just reminded him to take one day at a time and enjoy it and give it your best, but not worry too much.

As I shut the door on his room after kissing him goodnight, he gave me those final last words that we greet each other with every day, “Dad, good night, and take care of your body.” I laughed because kids are still innocent to believe that words will make things alright. To me it is just that you never know what those last words might be to someone. My words to this dad which might be my last to him? I can’t remember. I’m sure that they weren’t as profound as I’d want them to be, but I just didn’t want to say goodbye either. I didn’t want to remind him or anyone of the looming days.

Life is too short to not have a bucket list, but it is also too precious to live by it as well.

Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Simple Pleasures of San Francisco

February 1, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“You are fortunate to live here. If I were your President, I would levy a tax on you for living in San Francisco!” – Mikhail Gorbachev

Thank heavens the Russians never took over our City!

After a long week of travel and looking at another week of travel to colder parts of the country I am so glad to live in the city Herb Caen affectionately called “Baghdad by the Bay”. Living in San Francisco you don’t even need to go hog wild to enjoy its simple pleasures. I was already exhausted but wanted to enjoy the decent January weather and spend some time with my two children and wife. If you didn’t know I am a proud San Franciscan. I’ve had a chance to live in other great American cities such as New York and Chicago but San Francisco has all that I need. It’s small, diverse, community oriented,and yet very sophisticated and progressive. As a father, all you could ever want is to give your kids the best that you know how and sometimes when I need help, this city offers up a beautiful weekend.

With moderate temperatures and ample parking it is easy to get around. I just wanted to recharge my batteries on Saturday watching my kid’s basketball games (and teaching my kids a few moves on the courts), hitting a few golf balls at the Presidio Golf Course (the oldest course west of the Mississippi). I also got to go to my favorite hideaway in San Francisco, Liguria Bakery. Open since 1910, it is a family run business that makes the best focaccia around. It is all they make and all the major restaurants buy their focaccia from them. It is a San Francisco secret. Why? Well they start baking at about 5am every morning and open their doors around 7am and close when they’ve sold out. That could be 10am or 3pm. Oh, and they go back to Italy every year for the summer for about 6 weeks. If you’re coming here, just ask a local. there is a small sign in the window, but nobody will give away the secret.

Inside, things look much like they always have except for the few autographed photos from some recent baseball players on the Giants. A rather sparse counter with a roll of paper for wrapping and and a sign that lists the focaccia for sale is all you will find. I remember when the standard for the cocaccia was $1.50

Prices have gone up in recent years but I once lived on a diet of their focaccia when I was on a budget back in college. Get the plain pizza focaccia with tomato and green onion. It’ll serve two adults easily. BEWARE CASH ONLY, but it won’t suck your wallet dry

Afterwards we took the kids to the Haight Ashbury and got our kids some Ben & Jerry’s at our store located conveniently on the famous corner where hippies changed our culture back in the ’60s. From there we walked over to Golden Gate Park, past the Arboretum and back to our home. Our kids thought all the “new Hippies” (homeless) were interesting but as parents we try to teach our children empathy and not to stare. Most of all we are happy that they are not scared and are exposed to many of our society’s many issues and are not sheltered. Living in a great city, they can appreciate what they do have.

Sunday was more of a family day as well as the Super Bowl. Chinese tradition is to have a big one year old party banquet (200 people). My sister and her husband go all out with the traditional dragon dancing and the banging of loud drums. Growing up in San Francisco I used to go to these events all the time and got tired of them. I look at these events now as a great opportunity to casually expose my children to a part of their heritage so that they appreciate where they are from. They got a real kick out of it and also enjoyed visiting with all of my cousin’s kids. San Francisco really is a small city and since both my my mom had 6 siblings and my father had 7, we have many relatives for our children to play with. There are many advantages and disadvantages of a large family, but today we took advantage of the good parts and the good weather to spend time with family and friends.

While we didn’t get out and do everything this weekend, we did enough and have our eyes on other activities we are looking forward to in the coming weeks. As usual, we did our normal, “how was your weekend” questioning of our children. They both looked at each other and yelled, “Great” and told us their favorite parts. Maybe it is the weather, but I think it is part of the magic of living in San Francisco which gives us energy, strength and resolve to have hope in our lives.

When i look back on this post in a decadeI do need to remind myself that this is a deep recession we are in and many people are losing jobs, worrying about how to pay their bills and simply wondering how to make ends meet. I don’t think I’m any different. Like everyone I wonder what might be around the corner and hope to just maintain the status quo, yet to hear my kids say they had a great weekend is just enough to make you feel like you are doing something right.

I have another long week of travel ahead of me, but I look forward to returning back to my city by the bay and recharging my batteries once again.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Keeping the Family Together

January 10, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only what you are expecting to give — which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving. – Katherine Hepburn

I found the quote above on a site about Spousal Caregiving and it really hit home. We’re done with all the surgeries yet this week my wife had three days in the hospital and if you thought the waiting was excruciating before and during the surgeries, it is only worse now. I guess it is like they say about Chinese Restaurants. You know it is good and authentic if Chinese people work there and it is busy and filled with Chinese people. I think the same goes with a breast cancer clinic. If you have to wait hours even if you have an appointment, then your doctor must be real good.

Last night my wife spent 4 hours at the hospital for a shot, a visit with the nurse practitioner to go over her side effects from her clinical trial, and then to visit with her rock star oncologist. You are wondering why? Well the reason is that she spends so much time caring and listening to each patient that she does fall behind that most people understand. Today was a follow up meeting with the plastic surgeon. My wife has some nip-tuck things she wanted to have taken care of he took a look. and told her to book some time. We checked his schedule but we’re talking about mid-April!! Well his wonderful nurse said to book a time but if we could do something on four days notice, we could get something done pretty quick if we just sit on stand-by.

My travel schedule looks crazy already this year and I just hate being away from my family, especially now. Today was the first day that I had to watch my son practice his basketball. He’s good at it. Not great, but the joy on his face is all that I care about. I drove him home and started to talk about how he could be better, but realized that telling a kid on a Friday afternoon about the nuances of practicing hard and being a floor leader were just not something he wanted to hear. I chuckled at myself, “Come on dad, it’s just practice”. I was just trying to make up for my missing his first game of the season as well as his favorite thing…the annual Little League Skills Assessment Day. Last year I was so nervous watching him that my stomach was in knots. All these men with clipboards and stopwatches taking notes on my 8 year old, 55 pound kid as if he was some kind of bonus baby. Well he did well enough to be put in the elite group where they take the top kids and spread them evenly so no one team is overly loaded with skilled players. This year my wife gets the fun duty. It did feel good though to spend some time alone with my son.

Despite the stress of today’s waiting at the hospital we were able to have an early dinner as my daughter was requesting some family time. Fortunately my flight was late and we could squeeze it in (amazing as I still only arrived at the airport 40 minutes before my flight on a Friday night). My daughter has such a nurturing nature about her for a 6 year old. She loves her older brother and she is always looking after her mom and telling me when she is doing something that she doesn’t think my wife should be doing (yes, she is a bit of a tattle tale in that way). She cares deeply and is sensitive to the fabric of our little quadrangle of a family.

I guess Katherine Hepburn was right…..you do what you do when you truly care.

I did buy some tickets for Valentine’s Day for the two of us. Hopefully my mom won’t mind having her grandchildren over as her Valentine’s. I really need to get my wife alone and see her have that smile back on her face. When we lived in the New York Metro area, Valentine’s was a big day when I courted her. We usually planned one big meal where we would eat at a top 20 NYC restaurant. I remember those Valentine’s Days 20 years later! We’d have to make a reservation before Thanksgiving to get any of our choice restaurants in NYC. Ah…to be young again….

I did pick up the Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama at the airport tonight. I was curious. It almost reads a little too highbrow like a lawyer wrote it. I’m sure the intellectual Democrats follow it, but I’m not sure if the average joe on the street Democrat would really follow. I’m not big on politics personally as I feel like it is a topic that divides and not brings people together so you might not see much about my political opinions here…and that is a good thing.

Take care of your bodies….

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

The Run of 118 Christmas Trees – Life is A Highway

January 5, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

Our 2008 Christmas Tree

The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect!”
~ Charles N. Barnard, American author, travel writer.

I just got back from my 2nd run of the year. Thanks to the reader who said they’d help remind me to get out there and “Just do It”. (Note to self – next time you write down your resolutions, tear them up and burn em). It definitely was the weekend to start throwing out the Christmas Tree. I counted 118 trees on the sidewalk during my run. We could have left it up but the weekends are getting booked up already with travel, basketball games, holidays and parties!

No Christmas tree counting is not what i do when I run, but it sure helped to make tonight’s run a little different than the more than 300 other runs I will have this year.

We had a pretty active weekend. Since I won’t be able to attend my son’s Little League Skills Assessment this year, we went out and played catch and hit a few balls. I love sports, but I am not one of those crazy parents (I hope I’m not) who people can’t stand at the games. My son is so focused anyway that sometimes you can scream at him and he doesn’t flinch. Last year he ran through my stop sign at third base when I was the third base coach. I had a good laugh with the other parents afterward and got a lot of ribbing about having more discipline at home and wondering if he would have stopped if mom had been there instead of me. Seriously though I have a son who has decent capability to play any sport although I’m not sure where he got the talent from. I have no visions of grandeur though as he definitely got his small stature from his parents!

We also got out as a family to spend time at the park and get some fresh air and exercise. My daughter called it her highlight of the weekend which made me feel good. My wife is still limited with her stitches so she and my daughter went for a little hike to a lookout point near our home overlooking the San Francisco Bay. In fact, one of the stitches seemed to maybe have come out too soon and she might have to go back in early this week to have it fixed. After our family meeting at dinner tonight where we talked about our schedules and highlights for the week, my wife and I had some alone time to talk about how we are doing. She laughed at me. She was the one in college who was going to be a bio major and I’m the one who runs at the sight of blood. She was quite amazed at how I was able to deal with all the tubes and procedures she had to go through when she was ill. I told her I sucked it up, and kiddingly told her to promise to never make me go through it again. Well this little stitch is causing some fluid to run out. Oh my…..medic!

She did thank me for being her rock. I had to do a lot of research for her as she was overwhelmed and frankly quite scared to read everything online and also had selective hearing when it came to what the doctors were telling her. Depending upon her mood, she’d only hear the good things sometimes and other times only the bad things. She’s better now and is able to even go online and meet some of the people I met online who gave me lots of advice. I think it is great that she is now able to converse with some of these people and join the sisterhood of survivors.

Back to normal life? Well maybe it is with the regular TV season coming back on. We’ll be able to have our banter about Desperate Housewives, Lost and everyone’s favorite, American Idol…

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Breast cancer – a strain on the family

August 14, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“You are not alone – we are all here to fight and recover with you. Don’t fight alone.”

We have made a conscious decision to be honest with our children yet at the same time to try not to disrupt their schedule. We are sensing some sensitivity in our eldest son. It has been a struggle for him as he has always been close to his mother yet at the same time very unobservant about things around him. He’s suddenly finding how his actions affect others and how he might have the opportunity to help his mother in her recovery.

We have had the children hand out Livestrong wrist bands to relatives to tell them to support their mother in her fight. Many ask why we are not wearing the pink bands specifically for breast cancer but we don’t want to advertise too much that my wife is specifically suffering from breast cancer. Handing out and wearing the bands really makes our children feel like they are helping their mother and I can tell that they are proud to support her although they probably do not (and purposely on our part) truly understand the seriousness.

We did hear that it will take about two weeks to recover to be able to drive and not feel as tired. I’ve had to reschedule a few meetings to make sure that I will be around to help her with the kids. I could use help from all of her friends and my family but I just have to be there. This really isn’t a strain for our family but a labor of love for a wife and mother.