Tag Archives: breast cancer

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

The Spring Fix and Clean

May 29, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

April is a promise that May is bound to keep. ~Hal Borland

The other day I received a nice thank your from the representatives of Phil & Amy Mickelson’s Foundation in response to my letter about dealing with breast cancer in a family with young children. It really did put a little spring in my step.

I was spurred to write that note to one of my favorite golfers when I read about the hard time that he was having dealing with the thought that his wife was suffering at home and he was in a sport where he was traveling away from his family. He was tormented and reacting on instinct. I just thought he needed to know about some of the resources available to husbands of breast cancer sufferers and I’m glad I reached out.

Phil is one of those husbands who give men a good name. When it comes to breast cancer, let’s face it, men just have a rotten name. It isn’t that they don’t deserve it. Some men have just not “done the right thing” by not being understanding, leaving their wives at a hard time, or just running from it al . And those few men have made it hard for men to be understood. The emotions flow and rage enters the picture. I totally understand and empathize with these women and also with their husbands at the same time. I guess that is because I know where both sides are coming from. These women think their husbands might be insensitive or not understanding, but there really is some “reasoning” for some of the behavior.

Recently I got into a discussion with some women online after a woman’s husband was insensitive. At first I read about it and thought, “here we go again, another man ruining the name of husband”. Then I said to myself…wait, I’m not much better. That could very well have been my own wife complaining about me.

Cancer is a tough ordeal. For a man who has to watch his wife suffer with breast cancer, there is no greater feeling of helplessness. We’re men. We like to fix things and there is nothing more that we want to fix is the broken pieces of the only woman in our lives that means more to us than our own mother. For me, the drains, the blood and the visits to the doctors (things I was not comfortable with) were just part of the healing process. Most men don’t want to talk about their fears and especially with their own wives who don’t need to hear from their husband about how scared they are when right now they might need a rock or a sounding board and not a whimpering husband. Heck, they’ve got cancer, not us! When we aren’t that rock or sounding board though, then we get that bad rep. Quite frankly I think my wife got tired of all that smothering. She didn’t want to be thought of as sick and my fawning all over her just reminded her of her illness.

The monthly doctor appointments are continuing shots and side effects of her cancer trial drugs have become a normal part of life that get acknowledged quickly before we go to bed at night.

“How did it go?”

“Okay, I only waited for 45 minutes. The shot was easier this time.”

“Great. Good night.’

It really has become casual in conversation because of her desire to ease my burden and not have my attention focused on her. Similarly I have to pay extra special attention to let her know that I do know she isn’t out of the woods. She needs to know that if she wants that attention, I will give it to her.

So back to the discussion, the husband was asked by a wife about what her thought of her recent construction. The husband was pretty dismissive and understandably the wife was a bit upset. At first I wanted to jump on that bandwagon of saying what a jerk the husband was. Now I love my wife and “not just her breasts”. They has always been an asset for her before cancer and she’s been always conscientious about their appearance, but I do find myself trying to remind her that I don’t mind her focusing on them health-wise, but it is heremotional well-being that I care about more. So in my case when asked about her scars and if the neckline on her dress is too low and her scars show, I do want to tell her she looks beautiful, but a woman knows her husband and what he feels just by looking in his eyes. She knows that I know they look and feel different. A woman after reconstruction knows that a husband might not look at her bare breasts the same way (better or worse in appearance), but I know for me it was her eyes, her mind, and other parts of her which remained untouched…or maybe untouched by human hands but they are still the same ones that were part of her when we got married. I will at some point look at her reconstruction as part of her and without hesitation.

Just like your scars, it takes time to heal and feel comfortable again for you to discuss them with your husband. Actually, while I don’t mind discussing with my wife about the cancer, I just don’t want her to focus on the appearance of her new breasts. I do want her to be happy with them, but I don’t want to obsess about them. My wife would rather me tell her how beautiful she looks in her new dress without prompting than to have a 20 minute discussion on if her scars are fading, if I see rippling, or other imperfections. I’ve had those discussions and while productive, the conversation did not seem natural (no pun intended).

The reconstruction part of cancer recovery really does belong in the domain of the woman. I didn’t want to look like one of those husbands who “shaped his wife’s looks”. In the end I took my wife “for better or for worse”. My wife chose her option and I am happy with it as long as she is happy with it. As I look at it, as husbands we have no choice in what your original breasts looked like, we have no choice in marrying women who were stricken with breast cancer, and we should not be a major contributor in deciding what your new body should look like. What we do have a choice in is being sensitive to our wife’s emotional feelings and we do have a choice to love them unconditionally.

I mentioned that human hands did not touch my wife’s eyes, mind and spirit, but they have changed through cancer too. She is more proud and confident of where she is because of what she has been through. I find her strength to be the biggest turn on. It makes her more beautiful than ever.

Last weekend was the unofficialbeginning of Summer with MemorialDay and we took that time for the whole family to clean the house and continue with our post-cancer journey. We threw out the old cancer information pamphlets, the left over get well cards, the sample drain pump and the tons of bedside reading material that was accumulated. We’re all moving on. We’re cleaning those cupboards. We’re fixing our lives and coming on stronger than ever.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

A Very Special Mother’s Day

May 10, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

A mother’s happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories. ~Honoré de Balzac

Today is obviously a more special Mother’s Day than any other for me. Even though I am so happy that I get to celebrate Mother’s Day with my own mother, I am even more grateful that my children get to spend it this year with their mother and for many years to come. Although they probably didn’t the magnitude of how special it was and how we were staring straight into the possibility that this Mother’s Day could have been one without a mom or one with a bit more urgency than we had today, it was not lost on me.

As we got up at 6 am this morning to get breakfast and flowers while their mother slept in, it was nice to spend some time with the kids and ask them what they appreciated about their mother. Here is a lst from a 7 and a 9 year old in no particular order:

She’s a good cook
She smells nice
She drives us wherever we want to go
She plays games with us
She let’s us have play dates
She’s smart
She’s nice
She’s pretty
She let’s me paint my toenails (daughter)
She helps us with our homework
She kisses us and tucks us in for bed

They didn’t say it directly, but I knew what they were thinking. They said that it would be sad though for some schoolmates who did lose their mother to breast cancer this year. After they said that, there was silence in the car and when we got back home they each made an additional card for their mother before she woke up. The hugs around the breakfast table seemed more meaningful and sincere that the daily ones and for that I am so appreciative of the moments we still have together.

Last night we had a rare chance for one of our date nights. Dinner and a movie seems so simple but I can’t remember the last time we held hands all movie long. Dinner was filled with pleasant conversation especially over the relief that our son had played a decent baseball game. She had hugged our son, wished him good luck and accidentally told him to get some hits for mommy before his Little League game. As soon as she said that she looked at me with the horror of putting pressure on her son. Fortunately he came through and had a couple of hits on his best day ever in baseball. He was so excited to come home and tell his mother that he got two hits. The smile on his dirt covered face not only made her laugh but was a big relief. Some day he’ll probably tell us it was no big deal, but we were hoping he wouldn’t put any pressure on himself.

Tonight we’ll spend part of another Mother’s Day with my mother. Although the appreciation of still spending that extra time with her had somewhat dissipated each year beyond her battle with cancer, this year it has been renewed. Since my father’s passing she has visibly taken on much of his persona as well. She’s adopted his adventuresome attitude and more than anything become not just a loving mother that she already was, but a thoughtful icon for me and my siblings to come to in times when we aren’t quite sure about what is right or wrong and reminds us of what our father would want us to do. I can see in her latter years that she more than anything wants her children to spend more time together and makes a strong effort to make that happen on a daily basis.

Mother’s Day has become more than that Hallmark Holiday. It is also now a call to awareness to the plight of mothers and their battle with Breast Cancer. I am glad that even baseball has really taken the time to appreciate mothers and use Mother’s Day to bring awareness to Breast Cancer Research. Watching major league baseball players use pink bats and wear pink wristbands tells you that it isn’t just the days of playing catch between a father and son that forms the foundation of future baseball players but also those mothers who drive their sons and daughters from field to field three days a week.

While my wife and daughter celebrated with a spa day, I took my son to play 9 holes of golf and were paired up with a 30ish son and his dad. You never know why people are out at a golf course on Mother’s Day without their moms on Mother’s Day. The two men played in silence, but idle chit chat revelaed that they were native San Franciscans and were all aums of the same high school. As it turns out they had recently lost their mom/wife to breast cancer. It was a tough day for them and they were honoring her memory on this day. My son did not hear the conversation, but it really cast more light on the specialness of the day.

I smile as I look back at this entry because all I’d want for Father’s Day is a nice round of golf myself ….. At the same time, I want to say how much I appreciate all those moms out there for how much they do for their children whther they are 4 or 40. And for those who have lost their moms or have moms or relatives who are sick, please enjoy what you have and savor it.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Opening Day – A Field of Memories

April 8, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

I love Opening Day. …It’s just a special day in our American culture. It’s weaved into the fabric of what we are, and I think it’s a great day. – Padres manager Bud Black

I’m not a poet so maybe I never understood TS Eliot’s poem, The Wasteland, when he says that April is the cruelest month. It has always been one of the liveliest months for me.

Yesterday was Opening Day in San Francisco. San Francisco is not a sports crazy town and I didn’t grow up in a family where baseball and professional sports were considered anything but one of the many choices of entertainment. That said, I cherished those days when I got to go see a baseball game, a football game, etc. Moreso, I really enjoyed sharing the time and history with those I love. I remember the many games I saw at Candlestick Park with my dad (mostly football games during the 49er dynasty). In fact I remember having to look through binoculars to see everything and that is how my dad noticed I needed glasses.

They say Football is America’s Passion and Baseball is America’s Pasttime. I don’t know if my dad knew that those moments he spent with me on those cold windy nights (at the ‘Stick) were making such an impression on me. They were times where I sat there with my dad and talked between pitches and your dad casually passed on his knowledge of baseball and life in general (along with the hot dog, peanuts, popcorn and watered down hot chocolate). I don’t remember what we talked about, but it was about laughing and cheering for a cause and just sitting next to each other shelling peanuts for 3 hours. Going to those games with my dad stopped in my teens as my dad spent more time working to pay for our education and to enjoy his time on the golf course. Maybe he didn’t enjoy it as a dad, or life did get that busy.

When I got older and San Francisco opened what is now called “AT&T Park” (formerly Pac Bell and SBC and more affectionately, “the Phone Booth”) , I bought a couple tickets and was able to share “Opening Day”. I think it was the 2 years I spent in Chicago where the nostalgia really started coming to me and made me not just love the game on the field but everything that surrounds it. As I mentioned in a previous entry, I had the chance to take my dad to Wrigley Field to watch the Cubs on a warm Summer day, share in a Giants victory, and help the Cubs fans drown their sorrow at Murphy’s Bleachers in a plastic cup of Old Style before showing my dad some of the better watering holes and blues clubs that Chicago had to offer. Although by this time I was well into my 20s, it was the first time I felt like I was able to relate to my dad on an adult to adult relationship. I was well free of his financial backing, we talked about my pending marriage, my future, our family, and of course baseball. It was the beginning of a new course in our relationship , the adult-adult rather than the parent-child relationship, and from there I knew that baseball was more than just a game for me.

I have to give credit to the minister who did my pre-marital testing with the recommendations for the adult-adult relationship suggestion. He was very adamant that my wife start establishing that relationship with her parents as he could see that it would be a harder struggle for them to “let go”. Truth is, that it is harder to gain that respect of a parent. 15 years later, my wife still goes through that struggle. Ironically, yesterday my wife was handed a book by a family friend who heard about my wife’s illness. It is amazing how the “sisterhood” finds each other. The book is called “The Middle Place”. more appropriately it talks about the sandwich generation we are in where we are now adults looking after our sick parents, our children and ourselves and the author comes to realize she is no longer her dad’s little girl as she deals with her diagnosis of breast cancer. My wife read the cover and said she wasn’t sure if she could read it and I offered to read it for her, but told her it is something she will have to read because she needs this example. Another example of an adult-adult relationship – and defintiely very relevant. I know my wife doesn’t want to listen to me about this subject so I’ll sit tight.

Back to the subject of Opening Day, since the park had opened in 2000 I have been able to share the festivities with some of the more important people in my life on a one-on one basis (My dad, my mom, my brother, my wife, my best friend, my daughter, and my son). There is nothing like it. The pomp and circumstance, the hopes, the memories, the patriotism can be quite overwhelming. So on this Opening Day, it was a little different as I missed it for the first time in 9 years, as I listened in my office. My office though is located only blocks from the ballpark so at lunch I wandered over, grabbed a hot dog and a soda and watched through the “Archways” in right field. A great feature of the park is that for FREE you can watch the game from behind the righfielder. It is the best way to catch a Big League Opening Day in this economy. I stared across the way between innings to where I shared so many memories with my dad and others I’ve attended games with. Its not just the Opening Days but the hundreds of other games and conversations.

The walk back to my office was one of solitude. I had gotten my fill (yes the Giants won), but more importantly I had taken the people I cared for ( not physically) to the game with me and I shared those conversations again. It hadn’t been my intention to reminisce, but it just happened in the moment. Perhaps it was the text I got on the way to the game from my mom about her friend, “Mrs. E”, who had passed. “Mrs. E” had her own connection to me with baseball. Back in high school she picked me, this gawky geeky kid to entertain her granddaughter who was visiting from Kansas. She told me not to do anything “romantic” and that the girl’s dad was the police chief in their small town. Well 9 innings later we were dating and I was scared sh–less about the midwestern Sheriff who was going to kill me for corrupting his daughter. Truth be told I think she corrupted me but I can’t remember. What I do remember though is telling her about the art of hitting a baseball and showing her the smooth swing of Will Clark as she grabbed and held my hand. Amazingly she got what I was saying, or at least she pretended to. From there I knew I had to marry a girl who could hang with me at a baseball game.

Yes baseball and life have a fabric that is woven tightly in the American hearts of fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, and friends. I grew up on baseball and baseball grew up in me. While a full-blown adult, I can still go to the game like a kid and imagine I’m there with my dad or sit with my son next to me and my daughter on my lap and teach them about how to appreciate the game of baseball (because it is about appreciating life as well).

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Back in a Familiar Place

March 23, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.”

-Brian Tracy

So here I am again waiting in the 3rd floor waiting room of the UCSF Mt. Zion cancer clinic as my wife goes into surgery for the third time in 6 months. It is a very familiar place although it has memories that I’d rather forget. Yes it is a bit easier and the procedure (that is what we call it for children so as not to alarm them) is less serious than the first two. When my wife was first diagnosed with cancer almost 8 months ago I never imagined the path we’d take and where we are today while better than possibly imagined is not one of the many scenarios that ever ran through my head. We’ve learned to appreciate what life has given us and to that we can’t control everything.

The venue and many of the faces are still the same here at the hospital although some things have changed or at least the first two times I was too distracted to worry about. Over in one corner of the waiting room is a wife (I think) who is trying to hold back her tears. She looks as if she is in her 70s or so and is elegantly dressed with a hat ( this should be definitely designated as a chapeau). She has a lot of makeup on and you can tell she was raised in an era and with parents who told her that if she were to go out, she always needed to dress to impress. Everyone else is sitting in here talking on cell phones and updating their loved ones, reading outdated magazines or sleeping upright waiting for their name to be called. Of note is that Lance Armstrong and His Ride for Hope took a serious spill today as he broke his collar bone in a fall. Also, the television overhead in the waiting room is showing photos of Liam Neeson and his two teenage sons at the funeral of their wife and mother, actress Natasha Richardson. The grief and sorrow are the images I had imagined for myself 6 months ago. As I said, you just don’t know what direction life is going to point you. You just have to take it as it comes sometimes.

As we walked into the hospital a couple hours ago I noticed we both had a bit of a smile on our faces. We even joked a little with the admissions staff. But what made it even more noticeable was that we ran into one of the other mom’s from our kid’s school who was just coming down from her pre-op appointment before her breast cancer surgery tomorrow. The two mom’s hugged and I shook the husband’s hand. Very quiet and private people (he’s a physician himself) we could see their worry and concern on their faces. We kept the conversation brief and wished each other luck as we needed to stay on time. My wife even had a moment to discuss a play date for our two sons in the next week while she rested. How odd is that? My wife and I got up to the room and talked about the chance meeting. “That was us 6 months ago”. The other couple noted that this was our third time through and mentioned how they hope this would be their only surgery. We only hope that we showed a positive attitude and a good outlook in the face of surgery.

That is what it is about, isn’t it? A positive outlook? Last night my wife even asked for a hall pass to get out and have a drink and chat with a girlfriend. I said of course. I mean how many other women go out and do that the night before their surgery. The first two times my wife needed Ativan to calm her nerves and get to sleep. This time she was ready and not worried. I almost forgot she was having surgery when I woke up this morning.

Speaking of positive outlooks we were talking about the short term memory of our own son. He had a bad offensive game the day before with the “hat trick” (three strikeouts) in his first little league game this season. Although just 9 he is playing with 11 year olds twice his size and at least held his own defensively. Other kids out there were crying when they missed a ball and we were worried that our own son was going to be deflated. After the game I asked how he felt. “Hungry”, was his response. And after another pause he smiled, “Don’t worry dad, I’m not going to strike out everytime.” I laughed and he smiled back. Here I was worried about him and he was telling me not to worry. I can’t wait til he’s 30 and able to take care of me and tell me not to worry.

Has it been 6 months? Yep. The timeline:

Breast Cancer Diagnosis: 7/27/08

Bilateral Skin Sparing Mastectomy: 9/9/08

Beginning of clinical Trial: 12/1/08

Exchange Surgery: 12/12/08

Revision Surgery: 3/23/09

It seems like it has been a long time but 6 months really have just vanished from our lives. At the same time our love has grown enormously and so has the maturity of our children. Even moreso as a couple, our respect for life and the people we meet in life’s journey has grown. We can only hope to enrich our lives by challenging it, embracing it and finding joy whenever it is presented to us.

Thanks to modern medicine we’ll be able to continue this journey in a couple days. I think it is amazing that within 24 hours after I get my wife home, she should be back to normal. She’ll be stiff with limited mobility, but most importantly she’ll be here for our children, for me and for her friends.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

A Little Spring In Our Step

March 21, 2009 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“Spring is Nature’s way of saying, “Let’s Party” – Robin Williams, comedian

The first day of spring and hope was in the air. It is always a day where I start to see hope for people (of course the stock market took a bit of a hit yeesterday after a rally so not all is good). More importantly personally we waited for my wife’s results from her BRCA test. This test is to see if my wife has an abnormal BRCA gene which indicates a higher probability of having ovarian cancer. It has been found that those who have breast cancer and the BRCA are more likely to have ovarian cancer.

The average woman (without an inherited breast cancer gene abnormality) in the United States has about a 12% risk of developing breast cancer over a 90-year life span. In contrast, women who have an abnormal BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene have up to an 85% risk of developing breast cancer by age 70. Women with BRCA1 and BRCA2 abnormalities are also at increased risk of developing ovarian cancer. The lifetime risk is about 55% for women with BRCA1 mutations and about 25% for women with BRCA2 mutations. By comparison, about 1.8% of women without an inherited BRCA abnormality get ovarian cancer. The risk for certain other cancers may also be higher with BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutations. But these risk increases (for cancers such skin or digestive tract) are much lower than the increases in risk for breast and ovarian cancer.

This cloud has been hanging over our heads since last July, but obviously the figth with breast cancer came first. The thought of another surgery (given that we are having revision surgery on Monday) just isn’t something we wanted to consider right now. Well the results came and my wife is negative which is a relief and slightly expected since her mother was negative. It is quite possible though that since my mother had cancer that I could have pass it along to my daughter but we can’t test her until she is old enough and the oncologists said that she doesn’t need to be tested until she is 30 or so. Amazingly we shared the news via phone, talked about it for 2 minutes and then went back about our business. No celebrating, no hugs, no kisses. Just another hurdle that we’ve met and jumped over without incident. No doubt though, this was a big deal. Nobody wants to mess with their ovaries in their 40s. My mother-in-law had hers taken out in her 50s and I think psychologically it is a tough transition and although she is fine and have never really talked to her about it, it is something that affects you more mentally than physically. I know my wife was not wanting to follow that route.

We even remarked at here we are concerned about cancer and how in current events today, Natasha Richardson, a beautiful actress our age could have an innocent fall and one day later be lost to her family. People always say. “What if you got hit by a truck tomorrow…”. Well this is just one more reason to focus on living life to the fullest and not worry about every detail.

So with that Spring in our step I took the time to get out for a walk for lunch yesterday. A beautiful day for San Francisco with crisp clear skies, I sucked in the air, walked by the Martin Luther King Memorial fountain and pool in Yerba Buena Gardens where people were sunbathing, and read his quotes about his dreams. I passed by two Japanese tourists with matching “Have a Nice Day” T-shirts with those yellow Happy faces.

For those who remember the 70’s a vision of the ubiquitous yellow “happy face” is burned into memory. From every direction this cheerful circular icon extolled us to “have a nice day” and none of us was curmudgeonly enough to not strive for compliance. Along with “Hey the Fonz”, my OJ Simpson football jersey, my Willie Mays jersey and my Farrah Fawcett t-shirt, my “Have a Nice Day” t-shirt was part of my t-shirt rotation that I wore every day after tearing off my school uniform. I was even part of the lunchbag brigade that had white lunchbags with the yellow smiley face which read “HAND” (Have A Nice Day). Instead of the graffiti we see today, you saw Yello Smiley face stickers everywhere. You couldn’t escape it. My dad loved those lunch bags.

After a while they started having different sayings on those lunch bags and then it started getting expensive to just buy those lunch bags. Eventually my parents got economical (or cheap) and started going to brown paper bags for lunch that they’d expect me to use at least 10 times before they would retire it. Every night my dad would write a new saying on the bag. Something inspirational , but mostly something that our friends would snicker at like: “Take care of your body”, “Listen to your teachers”, “Share with your friends” or “Be humble as pie”. Needless to say, we’d hide our lunch bags from the view of our classmates, but once they knew it was all over. As funny or corny as it was, I obviously remember it fondly and maybe it is something I should do with my children by leaving a little message for them each day. Just seeing my daughter roll her eyes or seeing the funny smirk on my son’s face as he reads each message will be priceless.

Yes, hope springs eternal and the first days of Spring not only bring new energy and new dreams, but remind us of old ones that we need to renew.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Celebrity Sightings, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Someone Saved My Life Tonight

February 15, 2009 erikhom@aol.com 3 Comments

“Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid”
– I’m Still Standing, Elton John

I’ve been waiting for Valentine’s Day for a while. I’m not a big believer in the day as like many people say, you should treat everyday like it’s Valentine’s. Well that’s easier said and done. I like to thing that I show my love everyday anyway. For me Valentine’s is that day where I show more than ever how I feel and make just that little special effort more. Of course this year was more special to me and my wife and I wanted her to know how much I appreciate her. I had been offered tickets to a show in Vegas and debated between Love – Cirque du Soleil and Elton John’s – Red Piano. I’ve always been the Carpe Diem person in the relationship and since we’d seen four different Cirque shows before and I felt like Elton John is one of those iconic performers you have to see, I chose Elton John. I was not to be disappointed. This day would be full of wonderful moments each of which would make the day special in so many ways.

I can recall only flying one other time in my life on Valentine’s. It was a snowy day in the East when I flew from Chicago to Raleigh to be with my then fiancee back in 1994 right before we got married. A 90 minute flight turned into an all day affair because of the weather and by that evening we were traumatized. This Valentine’s flight was much smoother. Ironically I finished the book “This Time’s A Charm” by Don Wilhelm, just as we landed in Vegas. As we approached Vegas I kept pointing to passages in the book and having my wife read it. Real life inspiration and all around good attitude about living life to it’s fullest in the happiest way is all I can say about the book and I will dscuss this in more detail when I host Don on this blog on March 1st.

With less than 20 hours in Vegas we took that attitude and had a blast. We walked all over the Casesar’s Palace resort and got the lay of the land. This would be the first time in a while that I did not gamble a penny. I will write a review of the hotel at a later fay, but the new Agustus wing rooms were great and we got a chance to even run into a professional basketball player that I think was shocked I knew his name ( Leon Powe is one of the more feel good stories in the NBA today). His story should be read even if you don’t follow sports. He is truly a wonderful human being and very humble despite all the accolades that he has received.

We ate dinner at Bradley Ogden (a bit of a splurge) as I had made reservations before the show. Our waiter enjoyed our husband/wife bickering over what to order. The usual thing about changing my order because I didn’t want to order the same thing and then my getting chastised for being boring by ordering a Caesar’s Salad except when I listened and said I’d order the Foie Gras, she told me that was unhealthy. Carpe Diem I told her. We’re living life right? We’re celebrating, right? So there it was, Foie Gras, followed by Risotto accompanied by a nice LaRoache Pinot. Once dinner started we talked about our upcoming trip with the kids and how blessed we are by their presence in our lives. Sure we want them to improve their manners and learn more of life’s social graces, but they are relatively easy children to manage.

As I mentioned, Elton John’s – The Red Piano was great. Full of outrageous costumes, videos, and blow up dolls (cherries, bananas, breasts, roses, legs with garters, etc) along with balloons and confetti falling from the ceiling it was 90 minutes of toe-tapping fun from Benny and the Jets to Believe to Someone Saved my Life Tonight (my wife’s favorite) to I’m Still Standing (my favorite). The words all had special meaning as we held hands and swayed. The fact that the show’s theme was all about love made watching this on Valentine’s all the more special. The video below was the romantic encore. It set the mood just right:

That evening we lived like kids. We went to one of the hottest clubs in Las Vegas. Mind you this was Valentine’s and thus the party was crowded with pretty young people. The night was hosted by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of The Hills. We were probably twice the age of most people and probably one of only a handful of couples in there that have children. Either way the atmosphere was vibrant and young and we felt so alive that we stayed up until 2:30am (way past our curfew), leaving us little time to rest before getting up and checking out this morning. Most importantly my wife and I had fun giggling about the scene, amazed that us oldies were hanging out withe youngsters and a couple guys offered to buy my wife some drinks! She was so flattered and in the most round about of ways, that just made my wife let her hair down and forget about the night as her rejuvenation, but rather as her just remembering what it was like to take what life gives you and to run with it. We never have PDA, but just kissing on the dance flow while listening to house music and having some 20-somethings say that we looked so in love, was kinda nice.

In the end it was a perfect Valentine’s evening. It was a celebration of our love and the beginning of our life where we take the anxiety and worries of cancer and put them behind us as much as we can and move forward with a life we will be happy about living. The smiles on my wife’s face were so wide last night and I held onto them tight because I hadn’t seen her so lively in months. In many ways it was a zest in her look I’ve never seen before. She looked so gorgeous because of it.

So much for this Hallmark Holiday. It was really an enlightening Valentine’s and will be one of the top days in our life.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Gathering Inspiration Daily in a Fight Against Breast Cancer

August 8, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“Everyday I’m reminded of another reason why I love you so much”

I think one of the pieces of the healing process during the journey from diagnosis to surgery to recovery and treatment is hearing the stories of so many other women. Amazingly enough I still haven’t heard a story that I felt is exactly like my wife’s. Today a woman who is helping another woman in her recovery told me about her patient who is getting tattoos on her nipples after having a bilateral mastectomy and has been trying to find the right tattoo artist for the procedure coontacted me via this blog. I responded to tell her that my wife’s situation was slightly different.

As I’ve been told, my wife will be able to maintain her nipples. This is called a skin saving procedure or something like that. Frankly when they told us this was an option during the counseling I didn’t react. I wasn’t even sure what was the appropriate reaction for a husband in that moment. It has been a couple days since then and all I can say is that I truly married my wife for the woman that she is. Her external beauty would not be there if her inner light wasn’t so bright. If she needs her breasts reconstructed to make her feel good, and that means it will enable her to keep up the spirit I fell in love with, then I will take whatever she wants.

I know there are many women who get bilateral mastectomies with different consequences: Some don’t get reconstructive surgery at all, some decide to delay or can’t get reconstructive until later, some have reconstructive where they lose their nipples and have to have them tattooed on, some just never get them tattooed on, or in the case of my wife (this is the option that has been discussed to this point), she will have immediate reconstructive without losing her nipples. This was an option I didn’t even know existed at the time where we walked into the doctor’s office. They say that no matter what there is some loss of feeling.

But like I said, there are so many variables that breast cancer can throw at you which will change the possible opportunities. My mother-in-law decided to have a double mastectomy (cancer had only been found in one breast) and never had reconstruction. My own mother decided against a lumpectomy and had just a unilateral mastectomy without reconstruction. My wife had the otpion of just a lumpectomy. Family history, age and actually my wife’s current breast size had a large impact in the choice she/we have made.

We are going to take a break for a little family vacation before resuming with meetings with the plastic surgeon, getting the MRI and having some genetic testing done. Still a while to go so a little recharge of batteries will be needed.

As for me, I’m finding myself still needing to talk about my wife with my own friends. It helps me to talk about it and fortunately my co-workers and friends have been so supportive. Telling them how my wife is fighting hard also makes them feel good to. They are my inspiration. Their wishes and prayers are not taken for granted and the fact that they are doing this for my wife makes me even more inspired to work harder for her and to show her my love will never waver.