The book has quickly risen into the top 1200 list on Amazon with very little marketing….or should I say traditional marketing. The beauty of a book written about internet marketing is that it will likely be marketed well by those who wrote it. In fact, the Gang of 88, as the contributing writers are called, are all marketing the book in their own way in blogs, on Facebook, on Twitter, etc. Shawn and Missy also gave an incentive by giving all people who wrote a review online a silver pass to their next Affiliate Summit in New York in August.
The book is a quick read and for those of us in the business many of the “3 minute anecdotes” might seem trivial but for someone just entering the game and wanting some quick reference points will find this book to be a good useful starting point. While I found myself shaking my head at some passages I also found myself nodding my head at others. There are probably sections I might never read, but that is why the book was written this way.
The book is written so that you can skip around and find the parts relevant to you. Want thoughts on Twitter and Social Media? There is a chapter. Want to know about SEO and SEM? Video? There are sections dedicated to those topics as well. The articles are based upon the writings from the first 7 issues of the of their magazine Feed Front. Some might look at the title and say, “experts”? Well maybe the writers aren’t experts, but they are real people in the industry who do the dayd to day work. Thay aren’t professors or pontificators, but really the people on the affiliate line on a daily basis.
I could go on and on, but I don’t want to reveal too much about the book because I think those interested should purchase the book themselves. Still not sure if this book is for you and perhaps would like a reason to purchase a marketing book? At $14.93 on Amazon the book is a bargain, but not just for the knowledge gained, but because all proceeds from the sale of the book go to benefit and help the Fight Against Breast Cancer, a cause near and dear to the hearts of the authors and those in the industry.
What Should I write?
While at the Summit I kiddingly asked Shawn to sign the copy included in my bag. He laughed and I told him I wasn’t kidding. Admittedly he was more distracted by the football game on the screen in front of him as his beloved Jets were playing in the playoffs.
I didn’t read what he wrote until returned home. Hmmmmm, looks like I might have to write something for Feed Front to be included in the next edition. Perhaps the ongoing struggle of running affiliate programs within larger corporations.
Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to go now!” – Kenny Chesney
This Time's A Charm by Donald Wilhelm
Well I have the honor of being the last stop on Donald Wilhelm’s “This Time’s A Charm” blog book tour. Before getting into my interview with Donald below, I have to say that I wasn’t sure about reading another cancer book even if he had survived Hodgkins Lymphoma 4 times. Having lost a college roommate to cancer, watching my mom, cousins, aunts and most recently my own wife deal with breast cancer, another book on cancer just didn’t really appeal to me. I’d done a lot of research on my wife’s behalf to help her through her battle against breast cancer this past year and we are just beginning to get our post-cancer lives back. But such as life we find inspiration in all kinds of places from all kinds of people and all kinds of actions.www.thistimesacharm.com or click here to go directly to the Amazon.com purchase page. I have personally purchased an additional copy for a friend and fellow parent who is similarly diagnosed to Donald. If you haven’t read the previous blog tour entries, follow this schedule:
I found Donald’s book to be inspiring, insightful, honest, and just relevant to what I needed. In life I always look for inspiration to help myself and others, and for my mother and wife when they battled breast cancer I always pointed to Lance Armstrong and his mental toughness. There are other celebrity examples out there like Christina Applegate, Sheryl Crow and Patrick Swayze, but Donald’s story hit me not only as a good story about cancer, but a story about life. You see, although it helps, I don’t think you need to be someone touched by cancer to get something out of Donald’s book. Donald’s story doesn’t glamorize anything about his battle and survival which makes it more real and something that anyone touched by cancer or going through troubled times can relate to. Donald takes us through the cold reality of each one of his treatments and surgeries and provides a non-clinical view of what the patient goes through emotionally and physically. Better yet, what Donald does is=2 0typical of his personality. He doesn’t question things without giving his own opinion or answer. He always has his own solution for coping with what a cancer patient will go through.
If you are a Carpe Diem person, someone who believes in the power of positive thinking, or just finds inspiration in real life stories that give you that extra push to remind you about how much you need to respect life and all that surrounds you, then this book is one that I recommend.
I happened to finish this book as I took my wife for a Valentine’s Day in Las Vegas to see Elton John. For me this was my way of saying to my wife that we should get moving with life and start trying to put cancer behind us. It was my wife’s first trip, time away from our kids and time to think of her own pleasure and happiness. As I hit the end of the book and took in it’s messages as our plane descended into Vegas, I found myself nudging my wife and having her read passage after passage. I saw her smiling, nodding and crying as she read each page. She got it. It was time to start living her life
I’m not going to give away the key messages of the book because everyone will take something different from it, but I have some questions for Donald in an interview that will hopefully give you some insight to parts of the book that I really related to the most (especially as a caregiver).
Route53: Donald, let me just s ay that your story is inspiring on some many levels. Even without the message of surviving cancer 4 times I would have found your book inspiring. As a caregiver my first thought was to read who you dedicated the book to: Your wife Amy, friends, family and doctor. As I hit the end of the first page I had to recheck my facts. It talks about your wife Sara (not Amy). It always saddens me to read about a spouse who leave s their loved one at a time of need (What the heck happedned to “in sickness and in health”?). As I read about your separation and other parts of your life I seemed to notice you let people leave your life fairly easily. Is this just the way you wrote the book to not dwell on those matters? Were you not wanting to drag loved ones into your cancer world?
DW: Well, I spent a lot of time while I was isolated with the disease and really took the time to evaluate some of my “friendships” at the time. There’s nothing like a life-threatening disease to help you quickly sift through true friends from the others. What I found was that most of the people I had been spending time with seem to be “takers” and I was always the one that had to be “giving.” I came to realize how draining that had been on me and I knew it couldn’t not continue, nor should it. Life is short. I now choose to spend my time with positive-natured people who only add to my life and don’t detract
from it.
Route53: Although you have fought a strong battle on your own, for me there are three major people who were the core of your battle. In your book, you touch on surrounding yourself with the right people so I would like to focus on these caregivers. Let’s first talk about your choice of Dr. Jeff. In the book you talk about how you chose him. What further insight can you tell us about Dr. Jeff that you found was fitting for you, not just as a doctor, but as a person. Tell us about your relationship with Dr. Jeff today.
DW: Dr. Jeff is simply awesome. He’s very down-to-Earth, yet he is an excellent doctor who’s always up on the latest studies and research. I frankly have no idea how he has enough time in any given day to do what he does. Today, our relationship is as strong as possible. He respects me as a patient who runs his own healthcare team and I respect him as
the quarterback, counting on him to think out-of-the-box at times and run an audible if necessary.
Route53: My favorite person in your book is your cousin Dave, a totally selfless person (although I laughed at the halfway house he created for people and pets). Give Dave a big high five for me. He did more for you than most spouses do for their own loved ones who are suffering from cancer. He just seems to be a guy who puts everyone before himself. Tell us about Dave and the relationship you have with him. What makes him special in your mind that allows him to just give all he has to anyone. Were you two very close before the cancer arrived?
DW: Dave and I were close before my diagnosis. I always said we were part cousins, part brothers and part best friends. I can’t tell you what makes him tick, because honestly, most of the time I’m left scratching my head trying to figure him out. But the one steadfast quality he has, that everyone knows about, is that if you’re in need you can and should count on him.
Route53: Your second wife Amy is obviously a special person to you and helped you with much of the shaping of your life as it is today. My college roommate got married to his highschool sweetheart while he was suffering from cancer as well. If I could have changed one thing about your book, it is that you would have found Amy 5 years earlier. You talk about how Amy didn’t flinch when you told her about your cancer. Tell us what it is about her that is different from your first wife and your other relationship that you had during your battle with cancer. Perhaps Amy knew what she was signing up for in a relationship with you? Is it that she has dealt with cancer before? At the same time, what made you ready to let someone new close into your life at that point in time?
DW: Amy really is an incredible person. She has a heart of gold and simply loves to help other people. But the reason that she was able to stand by me, no matter what, is that she truly understands that none of us are guaranteed any amount of time in this life. Most people say things like, “well, you never know when you’re number will be up.” But I find that when push comes to shove, these same folks panic and cower in fear of death. Amy understands death and isn’t overly afraid of it. That being said, she maintains a healthy zest for life and we live each day to the fullest. Like Kenny Chesney said, “Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to go now!” 😉
Route53: We had the same issue as you with the psychiatrist. When my own wife chose to see a psychiatrist before her bilateral mastectomy, I asked if that doctor had gone through cancer and she hadn’t. At that time I told my wife I didn’t think she needed this woman’s advice. It was the first appointment I didn’t go to with my wife and she became so anxious after her visit that she had to start taking Ativan again. I just want you to know that you would make the perfect psychiatrist for cancer patients. Have you realized that you have become the answer for what you yourself needed? I noticed on another blog that you are continuing to help with Dr. Jeff’s patients.
DW: Actually, that’s a great way to put that. I do, now, know that the answers I need were inside of me all the time. I have simply learn to ask different questions of myself, thereby making the game of life a bit easier to win. And why wouldn’t we do it that way?
As for me becoming a therapist, I kinda already view myself as such, but in a very informal manner. I’m trained by life, and my advice is simple and hard hitting. In fact, this is the reason that I wrote my book. So that whomever needed or wanted to fully understand my story, could just pick up a copy and read it at their own pace. I’ve found most people have been reading it multiple times and gaining more perspectives from it each time.
Route53: Chapter 11 and the catchy title you give it was that rough point in your battle. In a way I looked at it as an almost necessary evil. My feeling is that everyone hits that point in their recovery. Maybe not as reckless as you became, but I’m sure there are people who can relate to that chapter in some small way. Like you I believe in experiential learning. I’m sure you got something positive out of that time of your life. Can you share with us what experiences or learnings you got out of that time of your life helped shape your philosphy today?
DW: I think the most important lessons I learned from that period of my life was to watch your emotions and actively managed them. It’s hard for me to really remember that time of my life and what I must have been feeling inside. I must have been very lonely. Fortunately now, I know that I’ll never end up in the place again.
Route53: You ask your readers to read Dr. Phil’s “Self Matters” and Rhonda Walker’s, “The Secret”. Do you have any other good inspirational books or articles that we should read? Have you be en inspired in your battle? If so, who has been your inspiration?
DW: I’d definitely recommend Anthony Robbins’ “Now Awaken the Giant Within.”
Route53: What have you personally gained from writing this book that you didn’t expect or maybe were not quite expecting?
DW: Great question Erik. Well I’d say the biggest surprise is my readers’ responses to it. I was hopeful that everyone would like the book, but the depth of the feedback I get is overwhelming at times. My book seems to touch people in a way that really makes a positive and LASTING impact on their lives. That’s an incredible feeling for me!
SUMMARY: If you want to purchase This Time’s A Charm, please go to: www.thistimesacharm.com I have personally purchased an additional copy for a friend and fellow parent who is similarly diagnosed to Donald. If you haven’t read the previous blog tour entries, follow this schedule:
“This Time’s a Charm” Cancer Blog Book Tour Schedule
I have just finished a book by Donald Wilhelm called “This Time’s A Charm”. Its about Donald’s fight to survive cancer 4 times and beat the odds. To me this is more than a cancer book but a personal philosophy book that I think anyone should read whether you’ve had cancer or not. I am part of Donald’s blog book tour (the last stop) and hope you all can follow along:
“This Time’s a Charm” Cancer Blog Book Tour Schedule
I will publish more on my thoughts and feelings as well as ask Donald some questions that will be published on 3/1 right here along with Donald’s answers.
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Author Chad Moutray and his daughter Charlotte
I am proud today to host Chad Moutray, author of My Life With Laura: A Love Story, on my blog today. Chad is on a blog book tour to promote his book and this is his 6th stop to spend some time discussing his book. While the book details his courtship, wedding, family and then their battle with his wife’s breast cancer, I am going to focus on his efforts as a male caregiver as I am the only male on his book tour and I hope to shed some insight on “the other half” of breast cancer.
I’ve always said, Route 53 is a blog of my journey through life and while I say each of us has our own journey, we often run parallel with others for part of that road. Some of us drive fast along that road and others a little slower. These roads are what I call life stages and are created by life events. Chad and I have separately shared a life event as both of us became caregivers for our wives who had/have breast cancer. Unfortunately breast cancer seems to be all around us these days days (statistics say 1 in 8 U.S. women will have breast cancer in their lifetime). You might think nothing of it, but in Chad, I found someone who not only went the extra mile for his wife, but truly lays his soul out there for everyone to read in his book. Sadly, the book does not end happily as Chad’s wife lost a valiant battle.
In his book, Chad provides us with the often forgotten perspective on not only the fight against breast cancer, but the emotions surrounding the co-survivor or surviving spouse. As I read the book, I had to read it away from my wife as it was so easy to put myself in Chad’s shoes. His story could very easily have been my own. I hope that other men read it and think of how they would react or want to react if they were put in Chad’s shoes. Below is my interview with Chad about his book:
Route53: Chad, we’ve shared some chats and emails in recent months. I don’t know if I’ve said this before, but first let me say that I didn’t know Laura, but have met many “Laura and Chads” over the past several months and am sorry about the loss of your wife and Charlotte’s mother.
Chad Moutray: Yes, sadly, there are too many people in our same situation. That is why I think that this book has been so well received. Thank you for your condolences for Laura’s passing.
Route53: Let’s first talk about the inspiration for the book. I know you say that this book was written for your daughter Charlotte so that she could read about her mom before the memories faded and maybe got a little distorted. As I read the book, I couldn’t help but see another purpose. This book was written for many and not just Charlotte. I read it as a place to put all your love and memories in a safe place so that you could move on. Maybe in a cathartic way. How much of this book would you say today (besides Charlotte) is this book for you, for others fighting the battle against cancer, for her family, and for her friends?
Chad Moutray: My original thoughts for the book were to help Charlotte better know her mother. In fact, the book in dedicated to her, who was two-years-old at the time that I started writing. (She is now almost four.) But after I started writing, several friends and family members told me that they wanted to read my book when it was finished. I had a log of pent-up demand, each of whom was anxious for my to publish my memoir so that they could read it. In that way, I began writing the book knowing that it could be read by many people, some of whom I did not know. Since its release, I have been proud of the fact that so many people have appreciated the book and have been inspired by Laura’s strength and faith in battling her breast cancer. Yes, I found that writing the book was therapeutic for me. In the months after Laura’s death, it gave me a project to work on during those quiet moments in the house. It also allowed me to reflect on the times that I spent with Laura, both good and bad, and more importantly, it provided me a forum to put my thoughts on paper. I would encourage anyone going through a loss to start writing, whether they make their words public or not.
Route53: For me, the hardest part of the book was reading Laura’s journal entry to you and about what she wanted for you and Charlotte. My wife felt close to doing the same thing so I felt like I was reading my wife’s own letter. When did you first read that entry and how much does it enter your mind to this day?
Chad Moutray: Men, of course, are taught to never read their girlfriend’s or wife’s journal, and I did not open them until after Laura’s death. I was surprised by many of her entries. She expressed her thoughts on daily life, her frustrations with motherhood and then in battling breast cancer, and her religious inspirations. Some of these entries were difficult for me to read. I was particularly touched by the letter that you cite, but mostly, I was surprised at its timing. She wrote about her desires for Charlotte and me after her death … but it was written over one year before she passed away at a time when the thought of this was far from most of our minds. While I did not read this letter until later, much of it sounded familiar, as she and I had discussed some of it in the months before her death.
Route53: Every woman who finds out she has breast cancer remembers the phone call or the doctor giving the diagnosis. I think husbands do remember too. I know I do and I know you do. I often get women who write me saying they wish their husband was as supportive and I always think that the moment you hear is when you know how you will be. You and I both took that step forward instead of back To what do you attribute your strength in the face of Laura’s battle with cancer? What made you the supporting husband that you were?
Chad Moutray: I would refer to two things. First, I remember my grandfather growing up. My grandma had a number of heart attacks and was often hospitalized. He remained a beacon of strength throughout her ordeals (despite the fact that she survives him by almost thirty years), and it left an indelible imprint for me on the role of the “man” in such situations. You are to be a “rock” – someone who everyone looks to for support. You can see much of this in my actions during this time. In public and in front of Laura, I was that “rock” even when I was privately hurting inside. Second, like Laura, I relied more and more on my faith, growing more spiritual as time progressed.
Route53: What would you say Laura’s battle with cancer taught you about yourself? Has it changed you or your actions at all?
Chad Moutray: It changed me forever. I am a different person today than before. Yes, life goes on, and it has for me. But, I have a different outlook, and I feel compelled to “give back” to the many people who were so helpful to us during our struggle. In some ways, the book also is my expression of this. I tried to write an honest book that showed the true challenges of battling cancer, and in that way, it appears to have helped or inspired some of the cancer families who have read it.
Route53: You mentioned that you hid your fears from Laura and when you did open up, she tried to protect you. I found the same with my wife. According to a US News and World Report story, they say the men who are successful in coping as breast cancer caregivers for their wife do two things: 1) Rather than try to be “fixers”, they lend an ear to help with coping and 2) They share everything together. What are your thoughts on that?
Chad Moutray: As the “rock” that I mentioned earlier, I never let Laura see my emotions. In hindsight, that was probably a mistake. Laura would have preferred that I had expressed myself more to her. Had I done that sooner, she might not have tried to protect me later.
Route53: As Laura’s primary caregiver, what were your main resources of information about Breast Cancer that you think would be helpful for other spouses?
Chad Moutray: I relied on information from books, handouts, and the Internet. Laura, to be honest, relied on these sources even more than I did. But, my most important source of information was the doctors themselves. I tried to go to as many of the doctors visits as I could. This allowed me to show my support for Laura, but it also ensured that I knew as much about her treatments and progress as she did. Sometimes, the doctors provided an enormous amount of information during a short visit, and she would often comment that it was good to have two sets of ears listening to it.
Route53: If you could pick one thing, what did someone do specifically for you, the caregiver, to help you through the year and half fight against breast cancer?
Chad Moutray: We had tremendous support from family and friends. Our church, for instance, was always there providing meals, rides, care for Charlotte, or someone to talk to. I cannot see how we would have been able to do all that we did without this support. In later months, we relied on lotsahelpinghands.com to post our needs, get volunteers, and communicate Laura’s progress. This was a godsend which helped ease the burden of caring for Laura at a time when her health continued to deteriorate.
Route53: When I read the book, I was amazed at all that you accomplished in just a year and half of cancer in your lives. Can you point to one moment or thing that you did that made you feel that you made Laura’s last days on this Earth richer and less painful?
Chad Moutray: Laura did not let cancer stop her from doing things, and our oncologist supported her in this. We went on a number of vacations, including to Aruba and two other beach trips in the summer of 2007. These trips were a lot of fun, and Laura looked forward to each one. She was also the type who put things on the calendar hoping that we might go to them. One of those was a wine tasting event at Mt. Vernon, George Washington’s home, in the fall of 2007. By that point, Laura was in a wheelchair, but she still wanted to go; we went on a double-date with another couple. It was our last date together, but one that I will never forget. (This story is not in the book.) She clearly life to the end.
Route53: Sometimes “bad husbands” who abandon their wives when they can’t handle the stress give men a bad name in the fight against breast cancer. Actually a 1999 Canadian Study called, “Marital Stability After Breast Cancer” found that there was no difference in divorce rates and separation when looking at similar groups of men with wives who had breast cancer and those who did not. Stories like yours obviously give men a better reputation. If you could give advice to other men (and wives) out there who are going through rough times in their battle, what would you tell them?
Chad Moutray: Life does not always go according to plan, and it is easy to say the cliche, “That is not what I signed up for” and call it quits. Laura and I met, fell in love, got married, and had a child; it was the typical life plan. But, then it changed, and life became difficult. Many of our friends went on to have second or even third babies, and Laura was secretly jealous of them. Cancer was not what she signed up for either. We were a young couple and kept hoping for a miracle. When things deteriorated, it was not easy; I prayed for patience, and I was stretched thin. To be honest, though, I never considered abandoning Laura. After she passed away, several women came up to me and told me how impressed they were that I stayed with Laura until the end. The comment surprised me. I loved my wife, and Laura and Charlotte needed me too much.
Route53: Last, please give us an update on Charlotte and your state of mind. Have you fully been able to move on? Now that it has been over a year, have you seen any emotional scars for Charlotte?
Chad Moutray: Laura will always be in my mind. Charlotte will guarantee that; in addition to being Laura’s daughter, she looks exactly like Laura. Such a constant reminder makes it difficult at times. Yet, life moves on. Writing the book helped a lot, and after several months, I began to date again. This was awkward at first, but easier now. It helped that Laura was so insistent that I move on and find someone nice to help raise Charlotte (even to the point of trying to set me up); the fact that she said this to so many people made it easier for others to accept my dating, as well. As far as Charlotte, she is adjusting to full-time daycare and is doing okay. She still talks about her mother and can tell you that her mother died from cancer … but has no idea what cancer is. Someday, I hope that she enjoys my book and learns about how fun her mother was and how strong she was.
Route53: Chad, once again, thank you, Laura, and Charlotte for sharing your story with all of us. I know that I have found much empathy and inspiration from your story. Chad’s book can be purchased here: http://www.lulu.com/content/1828195
Please continue to follow the blog book tour by following this link to the schedule:
Every book means something different for each person. Although my wife suffers from breast cancer, I read it as a love story. Even the parts about cancer were about love for me. Below is an excerpt from an email I shared with Chad after finishing his book. I hope you all find his book as inspiring as it was for me:
I just wanted to let you know that I finished the book. I admit that I did not feel comfortable reading anything after your eulogy as those letters I feel are words for Charlotte. I have to say that the book read faster for me once I got to her part with cancer. Perhaps it was that it was all so familiar to me. My feelings were similar to yours in many ways and reading her journal entry to you was tough for me. I hope you don’t mind , but I have discussed your book with the husband’s group at our clinic as you have gone through and they are experiencing many things that I did not have to endure. I’m also going to pass the book along to one of the fathers at our school who lost his wife at the beginning of the school year leaving he and his two young sons behind.
